Destroying the bridges to your fold.

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Teen Poetry #4

Destroying the bridges to your fold.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

0 posted 2001-04-11 05:22 PM

Destroying the bridges to your fold.

A state of perseverance,
I’m outcast from the fold,
Outside Interference,
shouldered, cold,
Shunned from your society,
I’m living all alone,
Worship you with piety,
I’m just another drone,
Expelled from your utopia,
I’m just a vagabond,
Lonely and prone to fear,
I’m just a teardrop in a pond,
Crossing different bridges,
Taking different roads,
Isolated by these ridges,
Watch as our love corrodes,
Keep on walking past me,
Turn and look away,
Will you ever forgive me,
Can I look forward to that day,
Say that you still care,
Or that you do not at all,
Say that you will be there,
Or that I drive you up the wall.

Andrew.

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-04-11 08:23 PM

I liked it but i have read better from you. Well done though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-04-11 10:24 PM

I didn't think it was too great myself, I think it's because the ending is a bit inconclusive.

Still a work of art though.
~Allan

Concieted?? Impossible! That would be a fault!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

3 posted 2001-04-12 11:02 AM

You've done much better work than this but this is still a decent poem. i think if you worked on the ending a little it would be much better.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

4 posted 2001-04-12 01:56 PM

Hey,

I Though it was good

even if you can do better

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-04-13 11:32 AM

I've seen better poetry from you, but this was still pretty good.
Keep sharing.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

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