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Teen Poetry #4
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As I look into your eyes (Series conclusion, and my 3000th post)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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As I look into your eyes (Series conclusion, and my 3000th post) |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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This is the end of my 3 part series, and also my 3000th post. Here are the URLS to the first two poems, if you'd like to read them. Part I- /pip/Forum55/HTML/000052.html Part II-/pip/Forum45/HTML/001374.html This is the forum where I made my first post, and I'm glad that I'm still here today. You all mean so much to me, and I wouldn't be writing now if it wasn't for my Passions family. I love you all! *hugs* (Hope this one isn't a disappointment!) ****** The sky now changes its purple hue To pink, and then to red The night is right, but all I wish Is that I can be dead The pain is difficult to bear Rejected love is never right But life goes on, and so I walk And lose myself in the starry night The path ahead is dark for me The road is full of strife It’s hard to carry on the days In this odyssey of life I carry on, though, through the storm Searching each set of eyes For the beautiful blue orbs I know Somewhere in this world of lies I grow older, and with my youth My hopes, they also fade I never quit, although I’m sinking Into the hateful cocoon I’ve made One day, I just stop looking For this thing that I can't understand I walk to the storming oceanside And weep there in the sand The sky takes on a purplish tint It’s such a beautiful night It reminds me of lost things unknown Things barely out of sight And then, suddenly, he’s by my side And then he turns to me He looks for a short moment And says, “Baby, don’t you see?” “I told you we would be together At the end of that horrid life And here we are! Oh, don’t you see? Here, look into my eyes” He comes closer, and I peer into Those perfect sky blue spheres One gaze from those piercing opticals Give me the story of our years Such sadness we had faced before The world tore us apart But Fate has placed us together again We share one soul, one heart The stars came out now, one by one Against the velvet sky Our tears are flowing freely now As I look into your eyes The earth is bathed in starlight From the carpeted, magical sky I know my life is now complete As I look into your eyes  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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| © Copyright 2001 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I love it! Congrats!!  |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
AWESOME! I like this one sooooo much. Couldn't have picked a better post for your 3000th. I hope this can come true for me sometime soon because this verse sums life up for me right now: "One day, I just stop looking For this thing that I can't understand I walk to the storming oceanside And weep there in the sand" In my library it goes! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is very good, Erica! I am rolling with the critiques today, and you're no exception!  A) 8686 was a good syllable scheme for the stanzas. You used it in the first and then didn't regularily, this was a bit disappointing. B) There was a tense shift at the end, was that intentional? You referred to the person as "he" earlier, and then "you" later on. Is that what you wanted to do? Still, the story is magnificent... the ending is such an uplifting one, it really touched me. And I also love your use of repitition and focus on the eyes, it was a great idea for a theme. Congratulations, Erica. You certainly have proved yourself an inspiration to us all.   ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 04-10-2001).] |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Think I'll add this to my library...  |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Except for the problem with the he/you thing, I really enjoyed this!!! Congratulations on post number 3000!!!!!  And thanks for hanging out with me on ICQ! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is such a beautiful story, Erica. I loved the descriptions. This is a really amazing poem. I loved it... Congrats on 3000!! --Marie "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
HURRRAAAAYYYY LOVELY LOVEY BUGGY!!!! Terrific, terrific, terrific. Lightyears away from being a dissapointment. PEACE OUT!~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
lol carly is on the cough medicine again anyways though the poem was great and very nicely written also CONGRATS on your 3000!keep writing |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE 3000 POST!!!!!! amazing poem for the ending! I wasnt even close to disappointed. Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Guys, the you/he thing was intentional. You see, the character is re-telling this whole story to her love, and at the end she shifts out of "story mode" and addresses him directly. Sorry to confuse you. Thanks for the wonderful replies. Luv ya! "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Congrats love bug, can't wait for the next 3000 This poem was far from a disapointment. It's quite beautiful Jason |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Congratulations on number 3000. this is a beautiful series and an awsome story. it is a privelige to read your writing, i hope to read lots more. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Beautiful poem, even if it wasnt based on beautiful feelings. Congrats on the 3000th post! *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
great job Loved it...wonderful 3000th post. Keep it up*dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Great poem and  Congrats on 3000! "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Congrats on 3000!!!! W0h00!!!!!!!! *kisses you* there's your prize!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
This is sooooooooo good! i can so relate, it is so far from being a disappointment... so don't say that again okay? i'm demanding this... hehehe okie dokie artichokie?? it's mos def goin in my library --Valerie *Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes* |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I didn't expect anything less from you Wonderful poem! Liz |
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