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Teen Poetry #4
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Her fingers fall upon the keys...
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Her fingers fall upon the keys... |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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Her fingers fall upon the keys And the piano quickly answers. Outside, the unexpected breeze Spins golden leaves in round dances And sunrays stretch out to caress Her sable hair and falling down, They warm her shoulders and her chest And by her feet they fall to drown. The music rises with emotion, I gasp for air and realize I never loved with such devotion Somebody solely for their eyes. We never meant to be alone, But fate had plans we couldn’t alter My path was laid in bricks of stone My fingers fell upon her shoulder And falling, struck the deepest chords She looked at me with warm affection We never had the time for words She never asked for my confession... |
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| © Copyright 2001 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
As far as the story was concerned, I did like this poem. Although it's a fine example of the one thing that bothers me about your work... the way you rhyme words that don't seem to rhyme quite perfectly in your scheme. It's just a little thing that I keep mentioning because I'm a pain.  I do think this should be paid more attention though, it's one of the few flaws I find in your work, my friend. ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really enjoy it. I'll have to say that I enjoy the way you ryhme words. It's your little tag. Also dif. people have dif. accents....some words sound the same with the dif. ways of pronounciation. Anyhow, I just like the way it all sounds together. Anyway it's done in songs a LOT.... Very well done here!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, Well there is not much to say they have said it all. SO all I have is great good, great poem, and until your next poem-- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Allen, my rhyming scheme is not a flaw, it's done on purpose. There are different forms of rhyming, ex. "imperfect rhyme, last syllable, double rhyme" The whole point of rhyming is not to match words that perfectly rhyme, but to make the poem as a whole sound better... and I think that I do that in most of my poems. i'm sorry if you disagree, but thank you for sharing your opinion. I appreciate it! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Imperfect rhyme or not, the feelings you portray are nothing less than perfect. I really enjoyed this piece, as I do all of your work. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I am aware of the different types of rhyming, let me assure you that my opinion was always just that- an opinion. Thanks for addressing my feelings. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Enjoyable read as always Master. I don't see much of your work anymore, but I believe more will come. Well, hopefully more will come "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
me again rock on |
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