Father's Smiles (paradelle)

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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-04-07 02:40 PM

fire's snow is crisp
fire's snow is crisp
falling until gone
falling until gone
crisp snow is falling
until fire's gone

oddly, children walk
oddly, children walk
sunshine, merry, grows
sunshine, merry, grows
walk, merry sunshine,
oddly grows children

twisted torrent smiles
twisted torrent smiles
the father's heart is killed
the father's heart is killed
the heart is twisted
torrent killed father's smiles

crisp is the snow
merry is sunshine
grows, until twisted oddly
heart killed, torrent smiles
walk, children. father's falling...
fire's gone.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2001-04-07 02:43 PM

This is great, I just loved the build up to your last stanza.
Andrew

" No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-04-07 03:48 PM

I always felt this style was quite interesting. I liked it allan....well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-04-07 03:50 PM

the repetition was interesting yet nicely written. i liked it! great job on another poem. thanks for the read allan

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

4 posted 2001-04-07 04:05 PM

this was great. i like this style, suits the poem or vice versa.
Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-04-07 05:20 PM

This is so amazing, Allan! This is going straight into my library! I LOVED the style, it's very unique. I really liked the last stanza... this is excellent. Keep posting!!

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

6 posted 2001-04-07 08:34 PM

This is really amazing! the format is incredible and it certainly works the mind overtime. This one goes into the library. great job, keep posting

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

7 posted 2001-04-07 09:08 PM

wow... thats great allan!
you really have a good talent!
keep up the great work!

Empty tears
Member

since 2001-03-12

Posts 64

8 posted 2001-04-08 02:17 AM

Very interesting,i really like this poem.good flow,good repetition,Good poem!

Death is but an escape from loneliness

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

9 posted 2001-04-08 04:37 AM

well awesome as usual.

kate

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

10 posted 2001-04-08 05:22 AM

Dearest Allan,

Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being an imbecile...yes, I know, it's SUPPOSED to be repetative...

Good.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

11 posted 2001-04-08 05:22 AM

Dearest Allan,

Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being an imbecile...yes, I know, it's SUPPOSED to be repetative...

Good.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

12 posted 2001-04-08 05:22 AM

Dearest Allan,

Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being an imbecile...yes, I know, it's SUPPOSED to be repetative...

Good.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

13 posted 2001-04-08 05:24 AM

Dearest Allan,

Very...repetative...and before you accuse me of being a no good imbecile, I know, I know, it's supposed to be like that...

Very well.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

14 posted 2001-04-08 05:25 AM

Many appologies...but my computer decided that it didn't want to work and therefore continued to post my reply over and over and over again.

Once again...sorry.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

15 posted 2001-04-08 09:03 AM

Hey,

Great poem Allen

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

16 posted 2001-04-08 10:44 AM

Dearest Michelle.

Thanks for the replies. Very repetitive.

Well the Paradelle is supposed to be that way, the format is that the last two lines of each stanza are the words from the first four lines rearranged. Furthermore, the last stanza is every word from the first three stanzas rearranged. It's all just taking the words and mixing them around. It's hard to do, but a lot of fun and you should try it sometime.

~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

17 posted 2001-04-08 09:54 PM

You've mastered yet another style with brilliance and greatness...An addition to the library...

Keep smilin.
~Carly

NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live.

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

18 posted 2001-04-08 10:54 PM

I loved it!

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

19 posted 2001-04-09 12:43 PM

Well, Dearest Allan,

If you'd explained what the word meant in the first place then maybe I would not have opened myself up to this undeniably fun (for you, not me) torture in the form of 'teasing'.
I can't help it if I'm intellectually challenged and to discriminate against me is unfair!!

Any more sarcastic remarks you would like to make??

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

20 posted 2001-04-09 08:33 AM

Once again Allan, I just hafta say you're awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!! Tell me when you write a book so I can buy it. Because you could write a book, ya know.

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

21 posted 2001-04-09 10:15 AM

I liked it. This is different from the rest, but I think if you work on this style, it would be great!!

*~*Me*~*

dreamer1 12 5 24
Member

since 2000-12-11

Posts 150
crossing between

22 posted 2001-04-09 08:23 PM

I really liked this poem, it was in a style I'd never read before. I enjoyed it.

....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice any principle for the sake of it....
Robert Kaplan

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

23 posted 2001-04-19 08:06 PM

*BUMP*

Everyone needs to get a chance to read this...

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

24 posted 2001-04-20 04:03 PM

Impressive

I haven't read you in a while and am glad that I just did again

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Chel
Senior Member

since 2000-07-01

Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA

25 posted 2001-04-25 06:09 PM

I tried to find a poem of yours to reply to. I liked the repetition. Keep up the great work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front."
"You are special and unique in your own way." "Always remember compliments you received; forget about the rude

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

26 posted 2001-04-26 10:21 AM

WOW....

need i say more??

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

27 posted 2001-04-26 10:28 AM

I know i've already replied once but this is so good I had to reply again

Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: [email protected]

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

28 posted 2001-04-26 12:33 PM

lol thanx for bumpin this! allan that was like whoa i like muchs!!!!!!!!
*adds to library*
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

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