Teen Poetry #4 |
Crocodile. |
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Crocodile. I can smell something burning, I think my hearts on fire, I think I’m only learning, Why I’m on this pire, Flame thrower to my heart, Burn me once again, I am ripped apart, The flames leave me in great pain, I thought that you might love me, And so I loved you back, Come and watch and see, As my heart is charred and black, Your nothing but a crocodile, Churchill would be proud, Come on burn me pyrophile, Destroy me before this crowd. " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
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© Copyright 2001 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Great feeling in this one, you expressed your emotions really well. the flow broke off a little in the middle but other than that this was great. keep writing and posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very very well done! I loved this. Awesome poem. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Attack Ferrit Junior Member
since 2001-04-09
Posts 41texas |
very nice. i like how the fire theme was present throughout. like banburycross said the flow was shakey in the middle but still very nice. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oohh.... simply amazing, Marshal. This is one for the library, I believe it's your best yet. Pyrophile... great word. The title of this one RULES too! You and your excellent titles..... ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Thanks guys, the title comes from the nickname for the flamethrower modification to the Churchill tanks of world war two. Thanks for all the critiques. Andrew " No Army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
well done really intersting way of putting things i hope to see more "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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