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How?
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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How? |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
This poem is really just a jumble of thoughts...tell me what you think and I'd love to hear any suggestions that you mught have. Thanx. How... I don't understand what you are going through, I don't know how to help, I'm sorry. But how can you ask me for this favor, Telling me not to care. Do you expect me to pull away, To leave you at this time, I won't. To sit on my hands and watch you die, It's not that easy for me. You can't see how much you mean to me, You'll never understand, it's true. But no matter what you think, or feel, or how you want it to be, You mean something to me. Okay, I break format here cause I couldn't figure out how to put this in...if you have any ideas, please pass them along. Thanx. We've been through to much for this, I've put myself through hell for you, stayed by your side when others ran, cryed so many tears for you, offered up so many prayers, and never walked away. So why do you think I'd change that now, and turn my back on you. Right now let me ask you, How could you? "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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| © Copyright 2001 John - All Rights Reserved | |||
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Hey.. this is really a great poem! Sorry I can't help any with the break, but I think altogether, this is really, really good! Not exactly a good feeling/situtation though.. so I hope everything turns out for you  Take care, Sarah *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx a lot sarah and I am glad that you liked it. Wasn't too sure how people would feel about it. Thanx again. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Wow, that's powerful. I realy don't think changing format matters. The second part had more power over me than the first, but if format's your thing, good luck. "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This is a really excellent poem, regardless of the format. if you really want to make the format of four line stanzas consistent throughout, you could add two more lines to the second part to make it twelve lines and then break that into three stanzas but that's just a suggetion. i think it's beautiful the way it is. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
thanx a lot for your replies...and I think that I will leave it like this...I am not one for format really cause I just sort of free write...glad that you liked it. Thanx again. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a great poem. Very nicely done.. Keep posting. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very nice niceguy. I think you did quite well on this and maybe if you take a few suggestions on the formatting it'd be better, but I like it how it is.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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niceguy Member
since 2000-11-13
Posts 113Sapello, NM, USA |
Thanx dopey, glad ya liked it. Thank for all the replies everyone. "Don't take love for granted...once it's gone, it hurts." |
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