In Memory of you - A dedication to Matt

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anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

0 posted 2001-04-01 12:09 PM

Sorry I didn't reply to anyone elses work before I wrote this but the strength isn't really there. It's very sloppy but there is more emotion in it than a thought out masterpiece.
This piece is for Matt...

In memory of you

The tears are falling like acid rain,
Each part of me - aching in pain.
The rippling effect of your silent screams,
Forever now echo in my dreams.

Spilling your thoughts and crying your tears,
Why did you not tell me all of your fears?!
Holding the roses against your heart,
From you I have never felt so apart.

Oh how I long to view your smile,
To catch a glimpse for just a while.
This brilliant world has totally shattered,
My emotions now are bruised and battered.

Open your eyes and look at me straight,
How I loathe this horrid fate.
Can I hear your heavy breath,
While you lay in the clutches of death?

You promised me you'd never go,
That knife…how could you go so low?!
Touch my hair and hold my hand,
Don't let me fall like grains of sand.

Life rotated around your face,
Here on this land was your place.
Why on earth did I let you die?
I never got to say goodbye…

~AnonymousFemale~

Death is delightful. Death is dawn, the waking from a weary night of fevers unto truth and light.
~ Joaquin Miller ~

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-04-01 12:32 PM

This is absolutely beautiful! The way you created the emotion in the piece was excellent and the use of italics very unique. i enjoyed this a lot.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

2 posted 2001-04-01 02:20 PM

...Man, this was good...I mean really, really good....you showed the emotion so well............
~Carly

Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be
the strangest things, the slightly sane, that only I can see...

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

3 posted 2001-04-01 04:45 PM

This was great, I can't believe you thought it sloppy, I wish that I could write as good as this on a good day. Andrew.

" War is peace,
Freedom is Slavery,
Ignorance is strength" - George Orwell "1984"

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-01 05:06 PM

beautiful poem great job on this one anonymous ey! u have the first same name as me

anyways i liked the way and it wasn't sloppy... keep writin

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-04-01 06:58 PM

Great job on this. I think the use of italics really added to the poem. Nice job.

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-04-02 10:56 PM

Nicely done anon.......don't make me take out the whip on you for thinkin it was sloppy

Mua!
Very good!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-04-02 11:02 PM

hahaha lol!
but trust me it wasn't sloppy

Empty tears
Member

since 2001-03-12

Posts 64

8 posted 2001-04-03 08:50 AM

That was really good...you really portrayed emotions well,you really goy the poin across...and it is NOT sloppy

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

9 posted 2001-04-03 01:11 PM

To repeat everyone else, its not sloppy. far from it. This was actually amazing. The dedication ran deep. There was power within the emotions and vivid imagery.
(thumbs up)
Regina
(library)

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

10 posted 2001-04-03 04:46 PM

I'm not going to say it again... Yes I will, this was not sloppy, infact I liked it alot. I think you really said alot in this one.Very nice
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

11 posted 2001-04-03 04:46 PM

yeah, just like eveyrone else, I have nothing orginal to say. This is wonderful though, I like hte half in italiccs, it's almost as if it were in a song, and that part was kinda whisperd int eh background.

No angels in heaven nor demons below the sea, could ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Annabel Lee

princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

12 posted 2001-04-06 05:02 AM

sad *sniff*
'GREAT JOB!!!!!

Ski*Chick
Member

since 2001-01-13

Posts 141
Fitchburg, Mass, Usa

13 posted 2001-04-07 02:21 AM

that was really really good.

Min

It's hard seeing someone loving your ex, when it's your ex friend who's loving him.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

14 posted 2001-04-07 01:23 PM

This is incredibly touching, EJ. Every time I read this it just makes me ache to think that you were feeling that... what a profoundly powerful piece. The scheme of rhyme worked wonderfully with it.
I happen to think this is one of your better pieces, although that's just me.

~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

15 posted 2001-04-18 04:45 PM

hey Lizzy, you know there's just some things in this world that we have no control over. I hope that your 2nd to the last line doesnt mean you blame yourself. A sad but beautiful expression of how you truly feel Liz. thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Sabriel.s.h.lover
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 73
b.f.e. aka- Hickville

16 posted 2001-04-18 06:27 PM

Everything has been said. This poem was really sad and touching.

but it was really nicely written.

thanks for sharing,
sabriel

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

17 posted 2001-04-18 07:35 PM

this is sad, but sweet. good poem. keep writing. :o)
~ab~

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

18 posted 2001-04-18 11:02 PM

Ya know i dont know if anyone ANYONE took this as hard as me. i loved your poem and well it just takes my breath away cuz well im pretty sure you know what happend to me...well a friend and well this touched me in a great way. Thanks....
Love Always
Branden

*Tears of love*
*Tears of faith*
*Never any Tears of hate*

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

19 posted 2001-04-30 02:54 PM

this needs to be on page one..

its such a powerful and of course beautiful poem EJ

byeee

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-30-2001).]

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