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Teen Poetry #4
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Cruel Words-revised & renamed
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Cruel Words-revised & renamed |
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Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
~This is the final draft of the previously named Unexpected-it wouldn't let me edit it so i had to make it a new post,so tell me what ya think!~ -Cruel Words- There once was a boy who sat alone at lunch He was made fun of and called names by the popular bunch Each and every day he let the names pass him by He never “fought” back because, the boy was too shy The comments didn’t really bother the boy at first Until one day when he felt the emotions inside would burst The anger in the boy built up and grew strong He couldn’t take much more; he knew it wouldn’t be long The boy went home and thought about what he should do He came up with a plan,in which he decided to pursue Each day he carefully contemplated his plan If he followed through he knew he would not die a free man The boy began to make preparations for his action He knew this would be big, like a coming attraction Very soon, he told himself the day would come He knew exactly what to do, what would happen to some At first the boy was frightened, but not anymore Nobody knew what was coming,or what they had in store The next day the boy arrived at schol with his plan worked out Nobody would know what brought this on, or what its really all about The boy walked in and gave it one last thought He could not be won over, he could not be bought The boy silently walked into the library and began to proceed He was thinking only of himself, not the others in need He pulled out the gun that he had been hiding The boy never stopped to think of the pain he’d be providing He went on and shot one of the popular girls As she fell to the floor his mind went into a whirl Then he went on to kill many, many others Never realizing the pain coming to unknowing fathers and mothers Maybe the boy would have never resorted to this violent deed If the popular kids would have considered his feelings and his needs Now the school is wounded and half dead All because of cruel words that had been said |
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| © Copyright 2001 Angel Bee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, This...this...is really good I loved it. The feeling..the truth...I loved it. Don't get me wrong now shooting people is not the answer but either way the message was a good one. This goes straight to my libarary and... darn (the nice word) I am speech-less all I have is keep up the GREAT work. Until your next masterpiece -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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lilpoet Member
since 2000-12-30
Posts 55Dallas,Tx |
okThis was extremly good. It reminds me of my poem that I wrote. It's called "we've come close". It's really scary when there's a threat or even worse a shooting. I don't know who's fault it is. It is a good thing though not to make fun of people, but I don't think that is the cause ~If I had a star for everytime you made me smile, I'd be holding the entire midnight sky in my hands~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really liked this one. Thought you did this quite well.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
gorry but very true....i liked how the "boy" was kept anonnymous and that..it kind of detached us from him without totally losing it altogether...good stuff..  now if only kids werent that cruel...*sighs* |
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Kosetsu Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450Alabama, USA |
I like this. I almost makes me feel as if I can get into the mind of someone that would do something like the school shootings. I believe this is the first of your poems I've read. I'm adding you to my library too. Keep it up. It can't be! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is very sad. But, unfortunately, it seems to be the reality these days. This one's going into my library. Very nice job. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Very powerful piece, i really enjoyed this. Keep up the good work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
it was very good. both versions were great! regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This revised version is much better. yes, one must think of the consequences first before they do something dumb.... there are better solutions to problems than violence "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This was very good!I have been on both sides in my life, but I think it takes a weak minded person to resort to this,but the poem described things perfectly. Great job. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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