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Teen Poetry #4
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Took What we Had For Granted
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Took What we Had For Granted |
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Hallucination Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419 |
Even tough I’ve got a long road in front of me I’ll always be in your heart, always send you my love Till I’ll be inside your four walls again far from this lonely town. I can’t wait to feel the pain Go away as I hold you in my arms. Cause your everything I ever wanted and more Your everything I ever need and more. Got your picture inside of me Can’t believe I’ve been away almost a year Can’t believe I took what we had for granted I promise you from now on, I will be here To wipe away every single tear, that you cry Every time I am away from you I fall so deep Cause I’m afraid to hurt you, I’m afraid to lose you So every word I say comes from the heart Every word is more than true Cause every word comes out of love that’s why Every sentence is written with my soul. Cause your everything I ever wanted and more Your everything I ever need and more. Got a vision of you here inside Can't believe I haven't called for so long Can't believe I took what we had for granted But...I promise you from now on, I'll be the one to hold you when you're alone, for all eternaty |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Not a bad job. Get a thesaurus, and look up "ever." You used that word far too much. ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
great job! i guess you use the word "ever" alot. its your poem. hope to see more regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I'll agree with Allan on this one. You used "ever" too many times. Other than that, the poem was great. I like the title. Keep sharing.. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You can use any word you want as many times as you want. In fact, write a poem called Ever and just repeat it over and over again. Nicely done here though, I liked it.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
lol@Dopey I too believe you did good on this keep sharing thanks for the beautiful read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey, Yeah it was a great read. Keep it up  -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i thought this was really well written and i didn't find the evers to be a big problem. keep writing and posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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