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Teen Poetry #4
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Sidewalk Ice
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Sidewalk Ice |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people 
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If you're going to tell me the ending isn't good, I already know. It doesn't have a nice kick to it that'll make you remember it. I just thought y'all might like something to read from me. This is what listening to too much Vanilla Ice can do to you after a while. Well, at least that's what started me off........ Sidewalk Ice Shells falling on the sidewalk, fear filled witness left, can’t talk, cops arrive in less than quick time, no way to know who did this crime, walking away, in the trash drops the gun, certainly not acting like his father’s son, another crime, it’s just another day, everywhere the same, but in a different way. December 9, 2000 "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" Unknown [This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 03-29-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Lakewalker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I thought it was quiet good. the ending was not spectular but still good work. Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
What's wrong with the ending? Not that bad. Good work, Lakewalker, it's nice to see you posting again.  ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
I thought that the ending was fine and that the pience as a whole was good. This is good work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Very nice Lake. The title will stick in my head. Remembering 8 lines perfectly only works for 'The Simpsons'.  The ending suited the piece just fine. I hope to see more soon. ~AF~ Death is delightful. Death is dawn, the waking from a weary night of fevers unto truth and light. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I really like this piece. My favorite part... WAS THE ENDING! It screams the truth, and it's sad that these things take place, as you say, everywhere. Keep posting, I'm loving it!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
hey luke.. i liked it especially the ending....hehehe..there should be a rule were passions forbids the critiquing of ones own poems...hahahhahaha... good job..  |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
I like it. There is no segregation of the end, the beginning or the middle for it is all there for a reason. Every word helps to create a piece that you either like or dislike. I personally liked it. The beginning, the end, the middle. Total. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thank's for your comments everyone!  Oh, and cherish, I'm not named luke, you could get lake, but I don't see luke. I'm only saying something cause maybe you think I'm someone you know named luke? I'm not. If it's just a typo, that's cool. I do it all the time! "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wonderful job, Lakewalker. The ending was great.. that was my favorite part. You've done a fine job here. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thanks Marie "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I didn't like thos one to be honest. Not as good at the others I've read from you. Some good thoughts in here, but naaa didn't like it. I love YOU though....*hugs*  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I actually thought the ending had an awesome kick to it. Awesome write Lakey. Wonderful "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Thanks you two "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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