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Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

0 posted 2001-03-28 03:11 AM

I'll just keep assuming
that maybe your out there.
Perhaps you still care
but cant find the words.
Afraid it will come out wrong
no matter how it's phrased.

Have you ever dreamed of me
then woke with tears on your lips.
Aching to make me understand
how it is your heart beats.
Yet knowing it'll never be
becuase we were too in love.

Smile at my memory
please dont regret anything.
From our tears we grew
and the pain gave us roots.
Admit there is still love
like that of parellel souls.

~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

~Maitay Mirabel Litton~

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-03-28 10:41 AM

Wow, this one was great. Got me a little choked up cause I know this too well. The second verse is what did it to me. Thanks for the good read,it's gonna go in the library for future reference.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-03-28 03:52 PM

"Smile at my memory
please dont regret anything.
From our tears we grew
and the pain gave us roots.
Admit there is still love
like that of parellel souls"

I really enjoyed this piece, especally the last stanza. This sounds like a tough situation, and I hope things work out for you! Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-03-28 04:33 PM

Wow, this one hit hard. Very nice job... This one's going into my library. Very nicely written.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-04-01 12:23 PM

I liked it but felt that a few lines in the 2nd stanza were a bit contradictory. I don't understand how your partner would want you to understand how his/her heart beats, but you couldn't because you were too in love. Wouldn't it be the other way around?
Anyhow, I felt you did a great job besides that.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-04-06 06:13 PM

That was a beautiful write. I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for sharing this piece to us

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

6 posted 2001-04-07 01:28 PM

This is beautifully written, a very powerful piece. definetly going straight into my library.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

7 posted 2001-04-07 02:04 PM

I think the contradiction in the second stanza was obviously intentional... and I applaud you on it.
Don't mind Dopey, he's a bit slow on the uptake sometimes but hey, he's Teen #4's mascot.

I did enjoy this poem!
~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

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