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Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-03-28 09:18 PM

Here's a quick one I wrote today, I don't like this one, but I figured I would see what other people would say about it.
--------------------------------------------------

Written words on a wall long forgotten,
washed away by the tide in your eyes,
and never again seen by the storm in mine.
Comfortably situated in your conversation,
I am your doormat,
never blessed with the gift of your bare feet.
Just perfectly polished shoes.
You love to see the word, welcome
Printed on me when you come home alone.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2001-03-28 09:20 PM

i hope you dont think your a door mat. The poem was actually very good i enjoyed it.
Regina

a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

2 posted 2001-03-28 10:07 PM

Hey,

ULI

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

3 posted 2001-03-29 01:43 PM

Hey love, i actually liked this poem a lot. it flows well and says a great deal in very few words.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

4 posted 2001-03-29 02:18 PM

Impressive. Does the doormat represent something? LOL, when I first clicked on this poem I thought it was going to be a critique of patriarchy or something like that, lol. I think this was a good poem. The last line seemed a little iffy to me though.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

5 posted 2001-03-29 03:47 PM

I thought this was really good especially it being a quick one and all.
Zu

" War is peace,
Freedom is Slavery,
Ignorance is strength" - George Orwell "1984"

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

6 posted 2001-03-29 09:40 PM

Hey,

Whats with this "hey love" thing ban... ????

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-03-29 11:52 PM

hehe lol!

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

8 posted 2001-03-30 04:54 AM

Hey Love. *stares at Linc*

I think you did a pretty good job on this poem. The way you described yourself as a doormat, you pieced together the poem very well in its simplicity.
~Allan

Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale)

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

9 posted 2001-03-30 05:46 PM

okay now I cant help...how many "loves" do you have now your first poems it was neokrew with "hey babe" then Ban... with "Hey love" and now Allen with "Hey love"

come on now what is your trick you have them on ""lock"" ( ULI ) hehehe
-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

10 posted 2001-03-31 02:09 AM

i thought that this poem was great..i loved the bit:
"Comfortably situated in your conversation,"
it really conjures up images of being "used" much like the doormat...
i really hope you dont feel like that.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

11 posted 2001-03-31 03:02 AM

I don't know if this is just a show of my need to be need if you like, but I don't believe that the image of the door matt was a total negative image. Sure, she conveyed the idea of being used, but there was just something about it that gave off "warm" energy if you like. Like I said, it may just be my need to be loved talking.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

12 posted 2001-04-01 01:11 PM

I think you did amazing on this one. Very very ogriginal. I really enjoyed this!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

13 posted 2001-04-06 11:18 PM

I think you did a really good job. Why a doormat though? Makes me think

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

14 posted 2001-12-11 10:55 AM

*thinks*

Yes this is going to need to go into the library. There is more to it than what I'm seeing here. I want to know everything about it!!

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

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