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Teen Poetry #4
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The Last Goodbye
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Last Goodbye |
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TrueLUV Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 158Connecticut, U.S.A. |
I remember the phone call that late summer night Its the one I've been dreading my entire life It was your girl on the phone that late summer night Weaping tears like spring showers trying to explain to me what had happened in the past few hours She said to me that you had been hit by a drunk driver as you arrived to the hospital the doctor exclaimed DOA! I was in shock my soul weapt desperately inside, but not one tear ran down my cheek I guess it was a matter of pride It later turned out that it wasn't pride it was true pain cutting me inside for my lil' homie And now open casket its time for the wake all prayers go out to the family and love to your one true love the one you alwasy talked about All of us are there holding one another close asking God why? The time has now come for me to say goodbye Tell mom I love her and keep her calm tell her to try and not to cry Tell pops I'll miss him tell him to raise his head for me and look upon me with pride Tell my girl I'll love her forever and I'll wait for her on the other side |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
This poem made me cry. it was so beautiful. Im putting it in my libary. i congratualte u *claps*. well done! Regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
My advice to you is to break this up into smaller lines, so that it flows more nicely. Nice job though. But it would help if it flowed better. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is such a sad poem. It's horrible that people have to die because someone was stupid and decided to drive drunk. You describe the sadness well. Thanks for reminding us of the consequences of drinking and driving!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I was thinking the same thing Allan suggestion when I was reading this. Breaking it up into smaller lines will help the flow, and make it easier to read. Thank you for sharing though, you did a nice job. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Geesh this was a tragic piece. Sorry man.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
I agree with Allan, it would flow better in shorter lines but the emotion was there all the same. This is totally beautiful. Well done. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
wow...i sure hope that that was fictional... it really cut me up inside |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I do agree with Allan with regards to breaking up the poem to shorter lines. But it was such an emotional read. You did really good my friend. I applaud you "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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