Teen Poetry #4 |
Affraid |
Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I'm affraid to let go of you, affraid to trust myself enough, to not forget you, and for you to not forget me. Although I've found someone else, someone better for me, I'm affraid to let go of you, because you're all I know. I'm afraid to turn my back, on all that I've ever known, for just one half shot, and possible happiness. I'm affraid to try and let go, to try and be brave, to try and love him, like I loved you. I'm affraid to be myself, and to try and leave, to love him like I do, to just love him while he's there. I loved you when you were there, but you hardly ever were, and when you weren't there, I was affraid. And I don't want to be affraid. I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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© Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Allysa, This poem was great. It's going in the library. This is the same exact thing a friend of mine is going through, just a few extra twists thrown in. I would like to show it to her, can I e-mail this one to her. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
You mis-spelled "afraid." But I think this poem was alright. It has a good idea to it, although at the end you were a bit redundant. I think the last line could be removed, it wasn't exactly necessary. Other than that, not too bad. I have seen you do better before. I did like the tense-shift on the second last line, that's one reason why I think it should end the poem. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
it was a nice written poem but like allan said the last line w/out would seem better 4 the poem good poem keep writin |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought this was beautiful. I really liked how you seperated the last line from the rest of the poem. It created a nice effect. Nicely done here allysa! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Go ahead and e mail it to your friend. Thanks everyone, for reading. G2g, see yas tomorrow. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Beautiful, Allysa. Another one going straight to my library. This one is one of my favorites from you so far. Keep posting. Great job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Beautiful poem Allysa but I have to agree with Allan you kinda lost a bit of the poem in the end you did good though thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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