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Teen Poetry #4
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The Speed of Life
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Speed of Life |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723
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for some reason when this gets posted the leading spaces get stripped so the format is messed up but enjoy anyhow! Life can be lived On an Elevator Easy and Fast Pushing buttons Going from Floor to floor In an instantaneous Instant But me I prefer taking the Stairs When I Can For if a spot seems good I'd like to Stop Not rush Past But then I suppose On an Elevator That the grove would be But a blur before Clouded Eyes Days may be harder on the stairs But at least I Set my own Pace Live on My own Time Now and then I Forget my Stairs Join the assembly Line For on the stairs There's still need for Shoes Bread Trinkets for my Mind But life is a Long Trip And my stairs Will be there Waiting Even if I Never make it Back yup I'm still alive! [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 03-26-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 IsGona - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it would have been better if I had an idea of where to stop and keep going with the flow. I didn't know where a sentence began or started or anything. I had to rely on my own interpretation of the pauses and the like. It kinda ruined the flow if you ask me. Anyhow, I thought the poem itself rocked and the message was pretty great. I really like this one Jason.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
I know what you mean... I'm really bummed that the format got messed up... I'm going to see if I can fix it you can always click the edit button above the poem to see it in the original format, but honestly I think the flow is just hard to find in this one. I did a poor job on it  ... I just like what it says so...[This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 03-26-2001).] |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Well, to be perfectly honest...yup I loved it. I read the whole thing like there was a room full of Jasons and each one had something to say, and they kinda overlapped each other...hehe I'm a bit strange, y'know. But yeah, good stuff in this one.  ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hey Jason! Everyone, it's Jason!  Yeah I noticed what Javier did about having to put it together myself... the only difference was I enjoyed it.  Hope to see you a lot more often in here! ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Jason!!!! What's it been, a year??? You said to be honest, so I will. I've always thought you were a good writer, and I liked this one. I liked the message it portrays and the metaphors for life... but I don't think it's one of your best. Post more okay?!?! Luv ya!!! Jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It's good to see you back! This is a wonderful piece, I love the metaphors that you use. This is an imporant message you give us. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I really,really liked this. I thought this was an excellent poem, but the flow was off. I know you said the format got messed up and I wish it didn't. That aside, I thought it was great. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I think it would have flowed better with the format in which it was actually written. But nice job.. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
The start of the poem was awesome, but i think the last 2 stanzas kinda was like jumping into a different poem. You could've mellow out the transition better. But for most of it, it was an enjoyable read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Carly ~ you are amzing, you find the most creative ways to look at things. Thx Allan ~ I am thrilled that this poem was enjoyed by you. It means alot Jenn ~ A year??? Well yeah just about huh? I am super busy. I wish I HAD more to post. I don't seem to be writting as much anymore and what I do is mediocre at best. But It's good to hear from a ya again, I'll try to visit more LoveBug ~ Thanks, you are a gem Jon ~ I am very apreciative of your comment. Thank you FadingAway ~ Thanks. you are to kind. I like your screene name by the way. I've read a couple of your poems and it seems to fit into a central theme, or at least the ones I read. Anyhow it's cool... I like it. acirE ~ Thanks for the reply. I hear what your saying. It was like I tried to say to much all at once... I think that is where carly got her perspective of it from. Thanks again You guys are amazing Keep up the good work Jason |
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