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Teen Poetry #4
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As I think (Why Can't It Be?)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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As I think (Why Can't It Be?) |
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aLLaLONE New Member
since 2000-09-25
Posts 7 |
We were suppose to go on a picnic today So why does my heart ache for you You said that you could trust me That meant the world to me The other night when we talked from your window The only stars that mattered were your eyes Then I baked a cake for you Not knowing how I admit it was kind of sloppy But I made it more with my heart then with my hands I just wanted to make you happy So you could hold my hand Now I sit here Alone Wondering why you don't want me Thinking of what I can do to change the situation I'm sorry that if I put pressure on you today The words I spoke are just what I feel It's just this feeling inside that Urges me to keep going I know we'd be great together We already are you just got to open your eyes I'm not asking for forever I'm asking for a day Then maybe we'll move on to a week Who knows you know I know that your afraid to hurt me and that you don't want to get hurt either But I know that I'm willing to take that risk Because you are just so amazing in my eyes My heart has been broken before and I'm still picking up pieces But if I don't even try to be with you Then I'll regret it for the rest of my life Being with you for even the smallest amount of time Is worth the heartache I believe in you I wish you'd believe in me |
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| © Copyright 2001 aLLaLONE - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Good job on this poem, All Alone. I have never seen you in here before, so let me be the first to extend a welcome to Teen #4. I'm sure you'll find us to be friendly and wise here, as is the teen nature.  I think the layout of this poem helped the flow quite a bit. Little couplets seperated from one another... it gave each couplet a sense of unity to itself. They worked together very well. The last two lines were especially good. You obviously sure know how to end a poem. Once again, welcome to Teen #4. I hope to see you in here more.  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Yes, welcome to Teen #4, I know you'll like it here. I really liked this poem, and the style you used is went very well with poem! Awesome job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This poem was so heart felt! I loved it! It simply touched me. Wow......this was so good! I have felt this before......it faded with time though.  The girl I felt this about gave me the day, the week, the month, the year......3yrs to be exact......and she dumped me twice. I mean.....you know she just wasn't ready for comitment. Anyhow, it was worth the pain I guess.......at least I keep telling myself that. This was a stroll down memory lane for me.....It's nice to remember how I once felt about her. Thank you and I hope you post more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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LeFtInPaIn New Member
since 2001-03-22
Posts 1 |
Hey man...good poem!...Whatever you do , you have my full support man. Just one thing, Don't let urself fall 2 deep for this girl...U kno how it is to feel the pain of hurt. I understand if you really like this girl, but just try to not fall too deep for her. But ayy bro, if you need coffee...You know how to reach me...Good luck... |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
This piece just took me off the sugar high I was on. It's so sad.  Talk about being able to bring things up in just one moment... It's a great piece, though. Very heartfelt. I can't wait to read more of them, All Alone. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"Being with you for even the smallest amount of time Is worth the heartache I believe in you I wish you'd believe in me" Such a beautiful portrayal of such sad emotions. You really have talent, and I'm glad that you've graced us with it. I hope things get better for you!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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luvnkris Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 144Perth, Australia |
great job! i wish you the best of luck with this person! Luv Jo xoxo * never live a second without being grateful for all you have around you* |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
"You said that you could trust me That meant the world to me" Allen stole my thoughts, I love the couplets too. They do work well for this poem. I like the emotion you've placed in this poem, it's really good. Nice job "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
"My heart has been broken before and I'm still picking up pieces" "But if I don't even try to be with you Then I'll regret it for the rest of my life" I've told a guy before. We ended up going out for about 3 months, then he went into the Army. This is really good, you captured the emotion well. Oh by the way.... Welcome to Teen #4 (i'm a little slow. )~*Malinda*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
It's okay to let your heart out once in a while. I guess you did in this piece. Hang in there and be strong....Show this person the poem too, you never know what will happen "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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