Teen Poetry #4 |
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If it will help |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa ![]() |
In my heart a new wound bleeds, there's so many wrongs, so many needs, my thoughts polluted by your acid rain, unmerciful words left my dreams in pain. But it doesn't hurt as much as it did, cause I told myself you needed to rid your thoughts of hate, anger and pain by drowning me in your acid rain. So let it rain from your heart so dark, let it rain past the turn back mark, cause I can take it, I'll pay the cost, if that will help your soul so lost. Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice! |
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~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
i absolutely love this poem!! especially the last stanza. wow... *L* awesome job. i like it a lot. Valerie *Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down, Friends will talk about you when you're not around, but don't ever lose that light in your eyes* |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Hey, I liked this one too! I'm not good at picking things apart though but it's still good :-) "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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Dopey Dope![]()
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done! I liked it. ![]() I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Everyone could not be more right. Great poem,last verse was the best. Really cool. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Fading Away![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Last verse was very impressive.. I like this poem a lot. It's very well written. Nice job! --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Allan Riverwood![]() ![]()
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Ooh... this flowed excellently and had a marvelous message. Very great job. One of your better pieces. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Acies![]()
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
OMG!!! WOW!!! that was really beautiful I'm in awe right now BRAVO!!! "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
Acid rain.. hmm... You know i have a friend who gets me in trouble all the time and i think hes in jail right now... and i tried helping him for such a long time now.. and it took it's toll on me.. thats something that must be considered... this poem touches me deep because i felt this way everytime i hung out with this guy..."It it will help"... like.. "If i sacrifice a little of myself for you, it will not be in vain as long as it helps... RIGHT?" Love is God. Love is war. Love is what your life is for. |
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