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sherm
Member

since 2000-07-21

Posts 94
Evansville,IN

0 posted 2001-03-20 01:01 AM

bitter mind
hateful soul
angry man
gaping hole
sinking fast
cement feet
choking on life
rotten meat

Its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

1 posted 2001-03-20 06:08 AM

...bitter...

love it!

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-03-20 09:39 AM

Short, dark and morbid. I like it alot!

~AF~

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
-W. Edwards Deming

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-03-20 09:45 AM

This is kind of short.. maybe a little too short... but I like the rhyme scheme. Good job.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-03-20 01:54 PM

Nicely done. I liked this poem a lot. Short and quite good!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-03-20 10:24 PM

Lines 6 and 7 hurt the flow.
Other than that, quite well done.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

6 posted 2001-03-20 10:31 PM

nice touch - my only thoughts are...bittersweet. (such an overused oxymoron)

~*~Jesilyn~*~

"Tell me why you cry"

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

7 posted 2001-03-23 05:58 PM

Dark and i love the title!

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-03-30 04:39 PM

very interesting.....

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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