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Teen Poetry #4
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You Said
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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You Said |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl 
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I walked on by, I felt you touch my arm, I saw you smile... You said, 'hello'. Every day we spent together, And every night we talked. All the time I was happy, You said I had 'a pretty smile'. One night I got lost in your eyes, We walked hand in hand, We stared at the stars... You said 'I love you'. Today you called me, Said we need to talk... I wondered why...? You said 'I'm sorry'. Long, painful silence, I awaited what you'd tell me. Then you took a breath, You said 'Goodbye'. Guys, I just want feedback on this, have no fear, I've had no RECENT heartbreak, so I'm alright. I just wanted to know what you thought of this... thanks. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Parker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Jenn, I really love this poem. They way you quoted him at the end of each stanza allowed a nice picture of his perspective throughout. Another hit. Good work. -Allan Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy. |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
wow, like allan said with the quotes, that put a nice touch on the poem. Kinda sad though but I tend to like those poems better anyway >¶Øʆ< |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Cool. Thanks guys!!  xoxo Jenn "A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ?? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
nice one jenn. me gusta mucho. que sigues asi!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
scared me for a second. the feelings of silence was well captured here and left me breathless. nice one, really good! ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I don't really know what it is about this one but I love it, it's seems simple but still is full of a relatable (to most) pain. Great job! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Maynard Junior Member
since 2001-06-29
Posts 12IL |
nice job, i dig the simplicity of this, and how the last line of each part are the same, very cool "I have nothing to tell you or sell you for the moment... but thank you for asking." |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks a lot! Wow, I didn't expect to see this one back up here,lol. Thank you again..."Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
this was good. i have 2 agree w/ alan about the quoting at the ends of each stanza. this was great. nice job.  fall hard, practice harder not to fall |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i loved this one...awesome poem...expressed so much and youw rote this very well...as you do have a "pretty smile"..Jenn ...and this was one of my favs from you...bye  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks so much to everyone. And Albert awww thank you! You're so sweet to me. "Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Hi Jenn! I so liked this! I agree- the quoting at the end was a really nice touch.  Wahoo for you! Great write! |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks lots Jess. Hi!!! to you to."Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody |
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Shygirl82 Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 245Ilinois |
Jenn, I just ran across this one and thought I would reply. This was really good and it truly captured the feelings and emotions running through it. Hopefully things have gotten better and you have found someone to help you put your heart back together. Always, ~Nikki~ It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Thanks Nikki. Well, this was not really written out of experience... I mean in a way I guess it was, but not directly...lol. But I do have someone now who has helped to put my heart back together, and I love him very much. Thanks again!! Jenn "Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
*muah*... I love you Jenn 'Every body has their destiny... |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
  Awwwww ditto |
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