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Teen Poetry #4
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Jenn Cirrincione
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0 posted 2001-01-16 04:27 PM


I walked on by,
I felt you touch my arm,
I saw you smile...
You said, 'hello'.

Every day we spent together,
And every night we talked.
All the time I was happy,
You said I had 'a pretty smile'.

One night I got lost in your eyes,
We walked hand in hand,
We stared at the stars...
You said 'I love you'.

Today you called me,
Said we need to talk...
I wondered why...?
You said 'I'm sorry'.

Long, painful silence,
I awaited what you'd tell me.
Then you took a breath,
You said 'Goodbye'.


Guys, I just want feedback on this, have no fear, I've had no RECENT heartbreak, so I'm alright. I just wanted to know what you thought of this... thanks.

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Parker - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
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1 posted 2001-01-16 04:39 PM


Jenn, I really love this poem.  They way you quoted him at the end of each stanza allowed a nice picture of his perspective throughout.
Another hit.  Good work.
-Allan

Eternal life without the darkness isn't life at all- it is a lobotomy.


Poet on Acid
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since 2001-01-07
Posts 325
Florida, USA
2 posted 2001-01-16 04:42 PM


wow, like allan said with the quotes, that
put a nice touch on the poem. Kinda sad
though but I tend to like those poems better
anyway

>¶Øʆ<

Jenn Cirrincione
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3 posted 2001-01-16 05:12 PM


Cool. Thanks guys!!  
xoxo
Jenn


"A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ??


Dopey Dope
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4 posted 2001-01-16 06:59 PM


nice one jenn.
me gusta mucho. que sigues asi!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

jeremydraul
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since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
5 posted 2001-01-17 07:02 AM


scared me for a second.
the feelings of silence was well captured here and left me breathless.
nice one, really good!

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
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since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
6 posted 2001-01-17 09:36 PM


I don't really know what it is about this one but I love it, it's seems simple but still is full of a relatable (to most) pain.  Great job!

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Maynard
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since 2001-06-29
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7 posted 2001-06-30 12:49 PM


nice job, i dig the simplicity of this, and how the last line of each part are the same, very cool

"I have nothing to tell you or sell you for the moment... but thank you for asking."

Jenn Cirrincione
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8 posted 2001-06-30 08:51 AM


Thanks a lot! Wow, I didn't expect to see this one back up here,lol.   Thank you again...

"Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody

Spine Grinder
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since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
9 posted 2001-06-30 01:58 PM


this was good. i have 2 agree w/ alan about the quoting at the ends of each stanza. this was great. nice job.

fall hard, practice harder not to fall
Don't belong, Don't exist, Don't give a S***, Don't ever judge me  -Slipknot

anonymous albert ?
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10 posted 2001-07-01 10:27 PM


i loved this one...awesome poem...expressed so much and youw rote this very well...as you do have a "pretty smile"..Jenn ...and this was one of my favs from you...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Jenn Cirrincione
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11 posted 2001-07-02 07:47 AM


Thanks so much to everyone.  
And Albert awww thank you! You're so sweet to me.

"Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody

Spice
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since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
12 posted 2001-07-02 10:04 PM


Hi Jenn!  
I so liked this! I agree- the quoting at the end was a really nice touch.   Wahoo for you! Great write!

Jenn Cirrincione
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13 posted 2001-07-03 08:14 AM


Thanks lots Jess. Hi!!!   to you  to.

"Woah my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time"- Unchained Melody

Shygirl82
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since 2001-02-19
Posts 245
Ilinois
14 posted 2001-07-27 02:56 AM


Jenn,
I just ran across this one and thought I would reply.  This was really good and it truly captured the feelings and emotions running through it.  Hopefully things have gotten better and you have found someone to help you put your heart back together.
Always,
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

Jenn Cirrincione
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15 posted 2001-07-27 08:03 AM


Thanks Nikki. Well, this was not really written out of experience... I mean in a way I guess it was, but not directly...lol. But I do have someone now who has helped to put my heart back together, and I love him very much. Thanks again!!  

Jenn

"Baby I've been drifting away, dreaming all day, of holding you, touching you, the only thing that I wanna do is be with you..."Faith Hill

IsGona
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16 posted 2001-07-31 10:50 PM


*muah*... I love you Jenn

'Every body has their destiny...
I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN'
<i>~Hatebreed~</i>

Jenn Cirrincione
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17 posted 2001-08-03 12:39 PM


  
Awwwww ditto

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