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Teen Poetry #4
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No No No!
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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No No No! |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
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No No No! Oh my god Is there anything possible for me Anything to make you see Just how much you mean to me? Oh lord How I am on my knees Crying "oh please" How can you ignore? You've been hurt before Does that mean I'm shut out? Nothing to do Except kick, scratch, and shout Please oh please I'm forever yours Why are you closing all of these doors? Just take one chance! I refuse to walk away I don't want another love I can't wait another day Do you hear me? I scream and I yell I understand you fell Was it my fault? I didn't know you to catch you One mistake Now I suffer too It's not fair dangit After all of my love admit That you turn a blind eye Whenever I cry It is because of you Your past is gone All I ever wanted Was for you to know I love you All I ever wanted Was for a chance To show my love. ------------------------------------------ Excuse the language. I apologize.  "The woods are lovely, dark, and deep But I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep" -Robert Frost [This message has been edited by acire (edited 03-25-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Woah, that one's just ... I don't know the word! lol it's a little freaky though! "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I've asked about the word that might have been thought as vulgar language to some people and it's borderline. I thought the poem was well done, but try not to post a poem if you think that the language is not appropriate. Thanks and I surely hope to see you reply as much as you post!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I think the language was important in defining the tone of the poem. I'd hope that you aren't forced to remove it, there are a lot of worse things you can see in here. Great job on the poem still. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
The language used added a dramatic touch to the piece. Some poems suit detailed explanations and other just need a quick fix. This was one of those poems. As long as you post, I'll read them. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I agree with everyone else, I think the language was needed for this poem. Another great poem, fozzy. Keep posting. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you've shown such longing for a person you did really good keep sharing thanks for the read "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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UnPumpkin Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 18 |
I was really getting into it, and then the "dang it!" kind of threw off the flow of thought. pretty gosh darned good though. |
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