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Teen Poetry #4
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My Mind
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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My Mind |
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Zombie Man Member
since 1999-06-22
Posts 52Va |
Can't you see, your the one who controls my life. Your face looks, so beautiful and fine. Why can't i let go of these things inside my mind. I don't know what to do, for this isn't right. So can't we finally, find out what are we suppose to do. Wanting and waiting to be in your arms. Feeling your touch once again and knowing that your love is mine. Racing and fighting nothing will stand in my way. So finally, I know what's in my mind. So you loved her and, she is always in your thoughts. Under the skin, threw the spine. And behind the freak's dark past. There's the love. Keeps him alive. There's the love. With every breath, he stands there, waiting for your hand. While all this is.... Evil in my mind. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Michael Cheeseman II - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Very good job. There were a few lines that were simply brilliant, such as the last one. I truly enjoyed reading this.  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done. I liked how the poem progressed. I thought it started out soft and as it went along it just kept getting deeper and better until the ending just left you sitting with a wow. Nicely written.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a poem very well written. Thank you for the great read... --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Wow!!! This is a very good piece Excellent way with words I'd love to read more of your work "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
I had pretty much the same reaction as Dope...it was kinda like climbing stairs to a platform, then getting there and jumping off and smashing into the ground...haha me an' mah morbid mind...So yeah..very, very nice work. ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I have to agree with everyone in saying that the form and order you used works well. You project your emotions well. Thanks for sharing. "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
I love this! Wow, it's just...a great work! I can't think of anything to say! "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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