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Teen Poetry #4
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Goodbye Town
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Goodbye Town |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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I wrote this a few months before I moved out of the small town I lived in. I hated it and couldn't wait to get out. I'm so fed up with being so down I wanna change my life, I wanna leave this town Staying here don't do no good for me I'm gonna break these small town chains, I gotta be free In this town my pain fills the air Suffocating me with overwhelming despair There's the girl I can't have and my folks can't have me The job that sucks and my friends won't let me be I'm gonna move on, I'm gonna change my way Gettin' the hell outta here, and I'm starting today Packing my bags and I'm headin' to the city For the bright lights, big sounds, where all the girls are pretty The city is packed with crime that kills But instead of running for them I'm running from the hills Running from my problems, running like hell They say it won't solve em' but maybe it will I can forget the girl and drop my fam Even quit my job cause I don't give a dang I'm gonna have a life that I can call my own And I will have more fun than I have ever known Opportunities rising in the air Things may get tough but I don't care Cause I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna succeed I'm gonna live my life happy and free I will rise to the challenge and won't back down And I'll never think twice about that little town "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine [This message has been edited by acire (edited 03-20-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Oooh! Jon Keoni, you have definitely given me an extra spark of motivation in life with this poem! Outstanding.... the message and tone of it are what hit me, rather than the marvelous style of writing. (which was still marvelous as ever) I'm adding this to my library. You can bet I'll be reading it in years to come, to keep me going. Thanks a lot, man!  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
The title fit perfectly hehe. I liked it very much!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Another one nicely done from you... I loved it. Awesome job. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
If this what you really feel you should do, go for your dreams Just don't expect it to be easy though It'll defenitely be hard You've shown how much you hate the town really well and yes, the title does fit really well  thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Keoni: The town wasn't Burns Lake, by any chance was it? LOL, j/k. The town I live in is pretty good. If I could offer you one piece of advice about living life, it would be the piece of advice I never try to put into action. Too lazy I guess. Here it is: live in the moment. Find the complexity in everything. Small towns are known to have strange complex people. Don't change your location and circumstances. Change yourself. OK, I hope I didn't sound too harsh there. But that's the advice I never take to heart and use. As for grammar and poetry stuff: Your english was a little slangy. Was this just for an effect in this poem? I don't know about using this in all your poems would be a good idea. Also, there wasn't much organization structurally here. Try writing in Haiku or Senryu sometime. You might like it. In fact, haiku and senryu, when done right and when done all the time, allow you to both live in the moment and improve your poetry at the same time, lol. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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