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CLBinLOVE
Member

since 2000-06-04

Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA

0 posted 2001-03-13 10:21 PM

palm trees swaying in the wind
cloudy sky over head
it slowly darkens

the sand is starting to sting
the waves are crashing
they proceed upshore

the wind is picking up
water comming closer
i stand alone

water at my feet
no more sand to sting
the rain begins

the wind howls
the rain pelts, instead of sand
waves crashing

she walks into the scene
the winds slow
the rain lessens

calm

not calm, bearable
slight drizzle
rolling waves

the trees still stand
i still stand
with her by my side

let the fighting words lie
let the candle light die
let the sun come up
let the same imply
~EvE 6

[This message has been edited by CLBinLOVE (edited 03-13-2001).]

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

1 posted 2001-03-13 10:30 PM

Very good use of imagery. I love this.

It's amazing, you're amazing. I'm lucky too.

Te amo, mi amor
Bel

Elvenblood
Member

since 2001-02-17

Posts 409
Maine, USA

2 posted 2001-03-14 06:22 AM

Very good imagery! And the metaphore itself is fantastic!! Oh this i sweet! It's going into my library!

"Some men see things as they are and say why.
I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-03-14 11:58 AM

This is pretty good! Your self-contradiction after the word "calm" was good and improved the effect of the poem as a whole.

I loved the imagery here!
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-03-14 12:01 PM

Awesome use of the imagery. I loved it.. Nicely done!

--Marie

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-03-14 02:19 PM

Very very nicely done. I liked how everything stood calm when she entered the scene......wowish.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-03-17 06:18 PM

You have a way with imagery
you open one's imagination
wonderful read
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

7 posted 2001-03-17 10:33 PM

Wow, what a vivd picture you have painted! Your words were very descriptive. I haven't seen work from you in FoReVeR!! Thanks for sharing...~*~Jesilyn~*~

"Tell me why you cry"

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

8 posted 2001-03-17 10:47 PM

Beautiful poem. I love the flow of words and how they so righteously convey your emotions. I especially love the "stinging sand" imagery. Good good job. Into my library.

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep"
-Robert Frost

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

9 posted 2001-03-17 10:56 PM

Absolutely wonderful work! I loved the series of images, the weaving of the storm and how your love makes things less painful. Well written, I enjoyed the read!

*Krista Knutson*

"Can't run fast enough
Can't hide I can't fly
I'm struggling with the limits of this ordinary life..." ~Tracy Chapman

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