»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
An excercise in brainwashing.
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
An excercise in brainwashing. |
|
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking 
|
An exerecise in brainwashing. Take her picture from my mind, remove all her things that I find disassociate all those things that make her and her angel wings that little laugh or the way she sneezes all those things of which she teases I wonder why I was a fool why i didn't just play things cool, I remove this mememories that I should keep I sit and cry myself to sleep I wonder where things went wrong Although we hadn't been together long I felt that she was the one but I realise now my chance is gone I wonder if it might have worked out But I didn't want her to scream or shout I hear her voice and I feel so cold She passes by and inward I fold I've been lying to myself all along because I realise that it's with her that I belong Friendship may end in love but love in friendship never. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked it, but I felt like it was missing a little bit of what I am used to from you. Not as good as your others, but still a great read.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'm with Javier in that you have done better. But it's still a great poem. The scheme was very simple. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
||
|
Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Personally I do not know your work well enough to say if this is better or worse then your previous writing. Although, I thought you put alot of depth into this poem and I liked that. This was a good poem.. keep up the work. Things will get better just be happy with what has come your way today, and keep living for what may come the next.~ By Amanda inspired by Brian |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You express yourself well as always your poems never lack emotion Thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Marshal, I am too tired to remember your other poems but this one was pretty good. The ones you lose are always the ones that hurt the most. Feel better buddy. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Another great poem. Keep posting! --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
||
|
Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Err thanx for all the great replies, it's really good to get some positive feedback... my ex -girfriend who I am still in love with but who I have deepl hurt absoloutely slated it ( rubbished it.) but I'm strong enough to take critism aren't I? yeh anyway she gave me 6/10 for spelling and punctuation, 2/10 for grammer 10/10 for the bull**** and 9/10 for rhming ability... I was truly disapointed... I thought that she might like it... mind you she has rubbished each and every piece i've showed her so what you gonna do... anyway thanx again. Zu Love is a friendship caught on fire. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
