Teen Poetry #4 |
Drained Hunter (Song) |
jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Well Dopey inspired me to write a song. Not sure what the difference between a poem and song is, other than music but anyways, here it is. Enjoy. "Drained Hunter" Verse 1: It’s my obligation to call? It injures me when you say you wont. Why am I the wolf? And you can remain the prey… Establishing grounds of leisure. Even though I wait for tones of your voice, They appear to tarry in your stomach. Why is it my surgery? And you can remain the knife… Penetrating my skin intentionally. Chorus: You are my focus, And my every little thought. Stop leaving me shaded, To linger until I rot. Offer me light, Awaken my true identity. I need you now, That’s when you ignore me. Let me be the chase… Not the chaser. Verse 2: Last night you strolled away. Said you thought about calling. But remember? You cant, For you’re the pursued… In this cat and mouse game. The phone chord engulfs my fingers, As they choke them blue. That’s what it’s like waiting, You’re always never team playing… Leaving me to step up to try again. Chorus: You are my focus, And my every little thought. Stop leaving me shaded, To linger until I rot. Offer me light, Awaken my true identity. I need you now, That’s when you ignore me. Let me be the chase… Not the chaser. J.D. Raulinaitis 1/15/01 [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-15-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
damn, anyone know air guitar? Nice song dude. >¶Øʆ< |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Yeah, it's really a good one. Great work! Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Thanks you two.. I might give this to a new band that one of my friends is starting. Thanks again, bye! ~JDR< !signature--> "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-15-2001).] |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wow! You've got some great lines in this Jeremy ... I do think you should pass it along to a band. Let us know if you do ... I'd love to hear if they've put it to music! Best wishes, /Kit |
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MidnightMaverick Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 35Duluth, MN, USA |
Awesome lyrics! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. ~Midnight Maverick |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well jer, nice to know I inspire *bows* haha. Yea well I play electric guitar......model: Ibanez GRX20 Left handed version...all black. *bows again* yea well I'm playin as I type....well not as I type but the guitar is on my lap. Anyway....nice song. Lemme tell you a little thing that *I* do, you don't have to do it. Anyway my different styles of songs and poems is this: I write songs deep, but in a simplistic form. I don't know.........I also try to capture essence in normal words rather than symbolism. Like UTTER MEANING within words. In my song Shouldn't Care....i write I shouldn't care x2 .......I do It's like.....we all go through that. We all feel a time when we don't want to care but do. So yea, that's the difference between my songs and poems. Although sometimes i'll contradict everything I just said....haha Anyway nice one here. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
maybe i should write a song too very inspiring well, i can't sing so maybe not Jeremy, as i told Dopes -- where's my MP3 I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Do you have music already to go with it? I really liked this one. Ditto to Acire- where's my MP3? |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
well I wont have a mp3 untilI figure out if they will use the song, they practice tomorow... thanks everyone! ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Awesome work here, I loved your chorus...keep up the great work! *Krista Knutson* I'm a slow dying flower In a frost-killing hour The sweet turning sour and untouchable... -Natalie Merchant |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Nice job on this, I like the song a lot. Tell us what this band thought of it "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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