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A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #12 |
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Trifles 24/7 -2nd pantun by Panne |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Trifles 24/7 I inhale the caprice of the moon bond To emphasize my mood I lap the litter of a midnight pond To satisfy my solitude. To emphasize my mood I feast on the Faith of the night To satisfy my solitude. I give that Faith a fight. I feast on the Faith of the night Wanting the sadness to stay. I give that Faith a fight But the sadness seeps away. Wanting the sadness to stay I swallow with ease the nightwind But the sadness seeps away Leaving me feeling skinned. I swallow with ease the nightwind I suck in the psalms of the dawn lake Leaving me feeling skinned I’m open to the peace of a day’s break. I suck in the psalms of the dawn lake I devour the divine in the gentle rain I’m open to the peace of a day’s break. And I chew up all of my pain. I devour the divine in the gentle rain I taste the hope in the sunrise And I chew up all of my pain. I savor nourishing these lies. I taste the hope in the sunrise I drink in the love of the sun I savor nourishing these lies I’m my own committee of one. I drink in the love of the sun And dine on the darkness of night I’m my own committee of one To gratify my fears’ appetite. I dine on the darkness of night I lap the litter of a midnight pond To gratify my fear’s appetite I inhale the caprice of the moon’s bond. Panne © 2001 This pantun should not be centered but don't know how I did or how to undo. [This message has been edited by Panne415 (edited 03-23-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Panne - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jellybean King Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 153Jelly, Bean |
...hey, I'm very much interested in this form of poetry, and have been experimenting with Pantoum myself...posted one today. Your use of "I's" combined with this style reinforces the 24/7 (24 hours a day/7days a week) theme...a neverending stream of sensations and images...truely enjoyable! Do you know if pantoums can be of any length...if they go beyond 4 stanzas does it become something else..a pantun? |
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RMW Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424 |
Panne, "...psalms of the dawn lake.." Lovely. Bob |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
These are not easy, but you well belie that fact.... well done! |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Panne, Excellent write, you are quite talented. |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Thank you for your comments -they are all very flattering. I was wondering what you read into it - what you got from the piece, too. Please feel free to tell me. JB- I will check out you pantun as soon as I can. I have never read of a particular length to this form -see below - that info comes from 2 books - The Book of Forms by Lewis Turco and The Teacher's and Writers Handbook of Poetic Forms. So I hope that helps you a bit. I never noticed the "I's" but with a quick check I see what you mean - thanks...love it. Bob - thank you. I would be interested in what you thought the piece was about also. Sunshine - thank you and I would like to hear (sic) your interpretation too. And how do I get the Newsletter - had no idea there was one for this site - sounds interesting. ST - If I was talented truly I would think I'd be published by now - lol. Be interested in knowing if you read or saw a story line in this and what it was - so please feel free to comment on that. Again, Thank you all very much. And I hope the info below helps. Panne Pantoum - pantun - lines may be of any length in any meter, rimed or unrimed- verse made of any number quatrains rhyming abab, bcbc, cdcd, etc w/the 2nd & 4th (b) lines of 1 quatrain recurring as the 1st & 3rd lines of the next & w/the 1st & 3rd (a)lines of the 1st quatrain agn as the 2nd & 4th lines of the last. n., a French & Eng. adaptation of the Malay pantun, consisting of quatrains rhyming abab, bcbc, cdcd, & so on, the last rime being a. (as dada) Pantoum is Western for the Malayan pantun, a poetic form that 1st appeared in 15th century Malayan literature. This version of it is a poem of indefinite length made up of quatrains whose lines are repeated in a pattern: lines 2 & 4 of ea. stanza are repeated as lines 1 & 3 in the next stanza & so on. Sometimes the final stanza has a neat twist: altho its 1st & 3rd lines are as usual the same as the 2nd & 4th lines in stanza above it, its 2nd & 4th lines are the same as the 3rd & 1st lines of very1st stanza. This way, ea. line in poem is used twice, & the 1st line of the poem is the same as last line of the poem. Rhyme is optional. 1st described in the West by Victor Hugo, poet/author of The H. of Notre Dame, in 1829. Fr. poets who wrote pantuns: Théo de Banville, Louisa Siefert, L. de Lisle, Théophile Gautier, Charles Baudelaire(w/much variation): Eng. poets: Austin Dobson “In Town”; James B. Matthews “En Route”: Amer: John Ashbery “Pantoum”. The beauty of this form is the way its recurring lines gently & hypnotically twine in & out of 1 another, the way they surprise us when they fit together in unexpected ways. Below by an unknown author. ___line 1 ___line 5 - same as line 2 above ___line 2 ___line 6 - ___line 3 ___line 7 - same as line 4 above ___line 4 ___line 8 ___________line 9 - same as line 6 above ___________line 10 ___________line 11 - same as line 8 above ___________line 12 and so on... ex below by unknown author: Because birds are gliding across your brain, I rise into the shadows And the mist is rolling in Because my breath is rolling out. I rise into the shadows Like a pond that went to sleep: Because my breath is rolling out You hear doorbells in the woods. Like a pond that went to sleep And woke up inside a dream, You hear doorbells in the woods Though the woods are in the dream And woke up inside a dream! Although the air is filled with blue & white clouds Though the woods are in the dream, A good idea can smell like pine trees. Although the air is filled with blue & white clouds I am filled with ideas about dreams. A good idea can smell like pine trees And a dream can grow like a cloud. I am filled with ideas about dreams. The stars don’t know what they mean And a dream can grow like a cloud: You can’t explain this bigness. The stars don’t know what they mean And the mist is rolling in. You can’t explain this bigness Because birds are gliding across your brain. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I am going to attempt to post a pantoum in Open Forum #13, called Night's Echoes...I would appreciate your input if you have time. Thank you. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
kai here  looks like you have settled in well at netpoets.com and have gathered a loyal following..am very very happy for you  panne, i do not hesitate to say that i like this one the best, of all the writings i have seen from you so far(though i still adore Driftwood very much even now) why do i like this piece so much? i guess its because i like the night and i like the waters and i think they make a perfect combination when you sit besides the waters, staring out into the horizons out there, reflecting on life in general and deciding for yourself which path you choose to undertake. and the words here are so delicious..."lap the litter of".."feast on the faith"...i don't know how to express my thoughts but they were very yummy and they pulled my train of thoughts in all directions...example.."what is the faith of the night?""what is the psalms of the dwan lake?" "why would i want the sadness to stay?" this put this reader in a reflective mood and a fascinating mind journey and what do i see from this work? i see myself, sitting by the lake, hoping to come to terms with myself... [This message has been edited by faterider (edited 03-23-2001).] |
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Jellybean King Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 153Jelly, Bean |
Panne...many many thanks for your explanation...I really appreciate your help...now I'm off to write more Pantoums... Jellybean King |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Sunshine - I will definitely check it out. Thanks Kaile - I am glad this one is your favorite and that it means something to you. Thanks for your critique on both - I really appreciate your insight. JB, Glad I could help some - good luck on your next pantuns. I have tried to post another piece but I keep getting told that only moderators can post here - I have gone int Poetry 12 and hit the new topic button and gone into this pantun and then hit new topic button - I am told the same in both - anyone know how I can post a new piece??? Am hoping this will at least post because I posted a reply to another piece the other day and it never posted - I am befuddled. Thanks, Panne |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
well for starters, you know I am always impressed with your writing, but this new style you have found is amazing, I don't think I have the courage to try it. This one, however, speaks so smooth and wonderful, it's a purely rich poem, beginning to end. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
D'Poe, This is a great form - give it a try - I think you'll like the discipline and the freedom of it. Thanks for your impressions - you know your insights mean an awfully lot to me and these comments are especially nice. Thanks. Hope to see some of yours in here soon - well in # 13 I mean since this is filled up. Panne |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
Notice I am no longer a guest on a friend's AOL. Panne and Panne415 has finally gotten a permanent address. I am now Panne447@aol.com Please email there for all poems in Poetry # 12 under Panne or Panne415 if you would like to comment or critique them as the notifications will go to defunct addresses. Thank you all so much. Panne (Panne447) |
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