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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #12 |
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The Letter (Pantoum...I think) |
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Jellybean King Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 153Jelly, Bean |
While you're fresh in my mind I'll compose it beneath the cherry tree The long summer sun peaks through the pine Wait for words to find me I'll compose it beneath the cherry tree Trying to say goodbye without saying Wait for words to find me The letter begins: "My Precious Darling" Trying to say goodbye without saying "Goodbye". After years of rehearsing, what fails me now? The letter begins: "My Precious Darling" I pause...and don't know how "Goodbye". After years of rehearsing, what fails me now? The long summer sun peaks through the pine I pause...and don't know how While you're fresh in my mind |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jellybean King - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mabel A. Dilley Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 859Seattle, WA, USA |
Be still my heart! What a beautiful write! "I am not now that which I have been." |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
One word....Library.... [This message has been edited by Lady In White (edited 03-23-2001).] |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
WEll, it's a nice poem but I'm not able to reinforce that it's a pantoum. It's different than the last one I read, but that person upon reading the parameters of a pantoum said that theirs didn't follow the form exactly. I do know where you can check, easily, for a description/definition of a pantoum if you'd like to know, e-mail me. I'll be gone for a few days, though. Virginia |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
JB - I thought this was beautiful...simply beautiful... but it does not fit the perameters of the pantun(pantoum)- I did post more info for you in Trifles 24/7 which I took out of a book and put in my msword a while back - I shortened some of the words but the meat is there...I (personally) think it s/b put on the page left justified tho - It is a hard enuf poetic form to understand in the first place but when it is centered it is almost impossible (at least for me) to see the repetitions of the lines. Plus it has a very definite line pattern which this does not meet. The one thing I do remember without looking in the books is that the last line of each stanza is the very first line of the next - Today I found out that quote "The poem may be ended in one of 2 ways: either in a QUATRAIN whose repetons are lines 1 & 3 of the first stanza in reversed order; or the poem may end in a repeton couplet consisting of lines 1 & 3 of the first stanza in reversed order. The Pattern for a 4-stanza poem: lines: rhymes or repetons: 1. ----- A1 2. ----- B1 3. ----- A2 4. ----- B2 5. ----- B1 6. ----- C1 7. ----- B2 8. ----- C2 9. ----- C1 10.----- D1 11.----- C2 12.----- D2 13.----- E1 or A2 14.----- A2 or A1 15.----- E2 16.----- A1 Well hope that helps- that is word for word from The Book of Forms A Handbook of Poetics by Lewis Turco With just a little rearranging this could be a pantun very easily. But whatever you decide I loved it - what a wonderful way to write 'under a tree'. Panne |
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RMW Senior Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 1424 |
Jellybean, Technically, I'm back, way back in the back row. But I do know that the phrase "and don't know how..." touches. And that's good. Bob |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
nice writing no matter what form you try to write in...*s ~Wynter..I use that book also but there is another place to compare and learn if you like http://www.geocities.com/Vienna/Strasse/9282/the_biki.htm "The worst prison would be a closed heart". |
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Panne415 Member
since 2001-03-21
Posts 104San Antonio |
JB - OOOOOOhhh I am so sorry - I was under stress and not focused- delete the line about what I remmeber abt the last line being the same as 1st line in next verse - I was thinking of the Sestina - which that line refers to - I am so sorry about that - it is not true of the pantun. Please call me a moron and accept my apology -- I can't believe I wrote that and have been trying to get back here all day to correct it all day but we had a constant stream of company and interruptions and a frozen computer - have no idea what unfroze it but seems to be working ok now. And it looks like a pantun to me - without my book on 'how to' to double check and again it is a terrific piece wonderfully written. Panne |
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KokoStewartKoomoa Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580Waikiki, Hawaii |
This is how I was taught from another poet. Smilesz and aloha! Write: first 4 lines with RHYME of abab then: copy lines 2 & 4 to lines 5 & 7 then: write lines 6 & 8 (rhyme = c) then: copy lines 6 & 8 to lines 9 & 11 then: write lines 10 & 12 (rhyme =d) then: copy lines 10 & 12 to lines 13 & 15 then: copy lines 3 & 1 to lines 14 & 16 (in that order I enjoyed this very much. I hope the instructions may help all who care to know this form. I had an excellent teqcher for this form. Love, koko Passion,imagination |
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Jellybean King Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 153Jelly, Bean |
Everyone...thanks so much for your comments. Based on what you've told me and my investigation on the internet...I do believe that this is a Pantoum! Jellybean King |
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seraphin Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004Michigan |
I'm not skilled at form, so whether this fits any structure eludes me.. I only know what touches me, and makes me sob. This is beautiful |
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