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Open Poetry #12

Taste of love

Scootterman
New Member

since 2001-03-14

Posts 6

0 posted 2001-03-15 11:10 AM

Here is a bit of free verse I like alot (just not as much as "the rose"):

The taste of your lips, the smell of your hair, is nothing to be compared? Of course not! For nothing can compare to the beauty that you hold.
Let me gaze at thy beauty just a bit longer. Please don't walk away. For the moment you walk away, you shall take mine heart that has fallen in love.
And should you take thine heart, just remember where you got it. For I'll always be waiting to fall in love with you again.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-03-15 11:18 AM

So romantic......making me *sigh* today

SEA

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 2001-03-15 06:51 PM

HI there...you didn't say you would like a critique, but I have a suggestion. Perhaps formatting would make this poem flow better.. what do you think of this:

The taste of your lips,
the smell of your hair,
is nothing to be compared?
Of course not!
For nothing can compare
to the beauty that you hold.
Let me gaze at thy beauty
just a bit longer.
Please don't walk away.
For the moment you walk away,
you shall take mine heart
that has fallen in love.
And should you take thine heart,
just remember where you got it.
For I'll always be waiting
to fall in love with you again.

[This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 03-15-2001).]

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