Open Poetry #12 |
Freedom to Breathe |
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Freedom to Breathe she said, "go ahead, my love, breathe" and he looked at her caught up his thinking, "that is what I do not do…" and he breathed… she said, "breathing is a freedom" and he thought of that and then of her, and said "it is what I do not have" and he breathed….instead ~*~ I can never get away from what it is they want I can never lift my head from their teasing taunts all I want is some freedom that, and sweet release all I really want is time and the freedom then to breathe… ~*~ he said, "what is it that you want?" and she looked at him, thinking… "away from your taunts, away from the lies, and all the evil ways," and she breathed, blinking… he said "let's get us back to then, when everything was good" as if his words would wipe the past as if his best of could would come again, and release the precious substance of her breathe… ~*~ she said in confidence to her friend who paced, "you really need some space and be able to breathe again," her friend nodded, and in three-quarter time, she listened with confidence and began breathing in her mind her friend lightly laughed his friend, he laughed too, said together "we are one ~ why, look at the two of you…." and the two of them they turned and looked from all that they were running from wondering from where it had all begun ~*~ he looked at his past, and wanted "away" she looked at hers, and said to him "stay" he looked at her, and said "I will" she looked at him, and said "until…" he said "no, we are one and one as of here, and now," she asked "and can you tell me, please tell me, how?" ~*~ he said to her "breathe with me" and she listened and breathed, mightily… and drew him in to her, in love and looked upward toward the sky above said to him "in your eyes I breathe in more than I can realize," he said to her this is what can be, and they both breathed, more than ever, most steadily…. and reveled in the freedom to breathe write with grace, all others lose face; "Jo was very tall, thin, ... and reminded one of a colt..." LMA |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Wow - extremely well expressed!~ Wonderful flow, phrasing and personal reflection. The ending gave me a sigh of relief, it's good to see you find freedom Take care, Melissa~ The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams ~Melissa P. Monette~ |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
a superb freedom...free to be one flesh lovely, dear |
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bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
Breath in the freedom. Bernie Bernie Slicker |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is the best poem I've seen all day so far, so it's going into my personal library. You chose a magnificent theme- the concept of breathing. Something so mundane, but so important. We don't take the time to notice that we even are breathing, but if we weren't, we'd die. Absolutely wonderful. I have tried writing poems on such a theme, but not enough words rhyme with "breathe." The story of this was also well done. The fact that it was written in past tense gave it a more storylike feel. I'll definitely keep reading your work. ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
"breathing is a freedom" and he thought of that and then of her, and said "it is what I do not have" and he breathed….instead clever write! I really enjoyed this very much! The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges. |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
"all I want is some freedom that, and sweet release all I really want is time and the freedom then to breathe…" You dance through time - and breathing - and it all makes sense - May the future hold what you desire |
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Red-uni Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 192Georgia, USA |
Wonderful poem, wonderfully explain one of life's blessings. ...To breath freedom. Thanks, RED |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Lady this is utterly truly fabulous, I love it Take care love as always Puck Take back the hope you gave,- I claim |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
This is amazingly beautiful. You found the words that are so hard to find. A great write. Sauni Sauni :) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
OK...I'm breathless |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
It is indeed insightful as to what some of you read within the lines...as evidenced by your responses. Thank you all! |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
I was gonna say I'm left breathless, but that's been said. This reminds me of a poem of mine called Heart To Heart. I have my own interpretation, but will keep it to myself. Oh, how i loved this, mysterious Lady in White. *S* |
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