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Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

0 posted 2001-03-10 08:43 PM

How long will this love last?
Tell how me how you
made this spell
you cast..
But
L
i
k
e
Before
You will soon
reject to hold my hand
For our love is just a grain of sand.

~*Peachy Be*~

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

1 posted 2001-03-10 10:25 PM

Ouch, I feel this one. So easily it slips through, hm?
Take care.
Sandra

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2001-03-10 10:29 PM

Very good....I wonder if
you were trying to
center this as an
hourglass
.
.
.
.
however,
the message
came through,
loud and clear....

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

3 posted 2001-03-10 11:25 PM

Very good writing Voiceless....especially when there's not a whole lot of words!

Nathan

Just A Woman
Senior Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 507

4 posted 2001-03-10 11:43 PM

I loved the way you wrote this. So much said with so little. I echo this feeling that you've expressed so well.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2001-03-10 11:53 PM

very cool poem Voiceless ...
great use of time metaphors to accent the emotions...
very well done
take care
jm

We're living in a world full of illusion
Everything is so unreal
My mind is in a state of confusion
But I can't deny the way I feel
~Depeche Mode~

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

6 posted 2001-03-11 04:38 PM

Nice compact little piece.
But if love is just a grain of sand, is life but a beach washed by the ocean of time?

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

7 posted 2001-03-11 04:46 PM

Very sad voiceless but well crafted to express the bleakness of the situation...creative writing!!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

walker
Member Elite

since 2001-02-11

Posts 2240
Florida

8 posted 2001-03-11 04:56 PM

Simply beautiful!

A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

9 posted 2001-03-12 03:11 PM

I like this one very much... well done!

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