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Open Poetry #12
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KokoStewartKoomoa
Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580
Waikiki, Hawaii

0 posted 2001-03-09 04:37 AM





cold sounds of silence-
sometimes almost deafening
distant horizons



I revised this poem from the first edition
which read:


~Quiet Thoughts~

cold sounds of silence-
sometimes almost deafening
midnight blue snowstrom

© Copyright 2001 Cheryl Stewart Koomoa - All Rights Reserved
POETIC THUG
Junior Member
since 2001-03-08
Posts 42
HOUSTON TEXAS BABY
1 posted 2001-03-09 04:40 AM


SOMETIMES THOUGHS R THA BEST ONES
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2001-03-09 10:41 AM


I do like the revision, but the midnight blue snowstorms is a great line. Hope you can use it in another piece.
Katherine Chandler
Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 280
Florida, USA
3 posted 2001-03-09 11:27 AM


Hi Koko- I really like the term 'midnight blue snowstorms'- beautiful way to phrase snow.. And..it's so nice to see you here! Love you, my friend.. Kate

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
T S Eliot

Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
4 posted 2001-03-10 10:41 AM


Hi Koko,

I do love the revised one but do agree would love to see this line used in something it's perfect,
"Midnight blue snowstorm"


Love, Cerenity


"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)



Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
5 posted 2001-03-10 11:53 AM


Well I was lucky enough to be saturated in the first lovely words, and now get the second version as well, wow! Gee, I am one lucky girl. Koko, I like the first one better actually, but I live on a mountain so don't listen to me, these are both fabulous haiku. Think I shall do some today!
Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
6 posted 2001-03-10 12:16 PM


I love haikus and these are no exception. What lovely images you have painted

Don't ever give in, if you do you've lost everything you've ever had and everything you hope to gain, but if you carry on your already winning.


Ekatherina Michon
New Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 1

7 posted 2001-03-10 10:33 PM


Hello Koko,
Nice to see you here. Just joined the family and was pleasently surprised to find some familiar names. I believe that the first thought always is the best and it reflects our intuition in most perfect way. Your first version sounds to me closer to my idea of haiku with this element of surprise in the third line. Loved it!
~Ekaterina

KokoStewartKoomoa
Senior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 580
Waikiki, Hawaii
8 posted 2001-03-10 10:42 PM


Big smiles to all of you for answering me!!! Probably the muses first thought is best...
Thanks so much for commenting!
I am happy to see you here too Ekatherina

! What a joy having so many of my poetry friends come to post here as well.
YES!!!!!!!
aloha and warm hugs to all of you!

Passion,imagination
and intellect
running together...
Poetry in motion~~~

Aloha with
warmest regards, Koko




[This message has been edited by KokoStewartKoomoa (edited 03-10-2001).]

windwarrior_RJ
Junior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 28
California
9 posted 2001-03-11 12:51 PM


Hello Koko,
I have missed YOU ....I really have!
This poem seems a bit on the low side for you. How are you?
You know I adore your poems and I always will...just almost as much as you.
I am going to look for more of your poems here. I posted my first one. Please take a look. Remeber that poem?
Take care of yourself, love,
RJ

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