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Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2001-03-04 08:52 AM

A Spring to Winter

somehow you believe I shall be
ever born as Persephone
and in the Winter of your years
swiftly melt away your fears

tho I've not gifts of an eternal lass
no fountain of youth from my lips spill
oh see here in this looking glass
the images of us as we are now, still

only in thine eyes, where might I live
and there, in your heart, a desire that beats
from whence my touch, what I might give
is a blessing to your soul, complete

ah Spring, to rise the hope of all good men
ah poor Winter, swift melt away, and then…
see the spark in Winter's eyes
as Persephone gives lift, and rise

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-03-04 11:30 AM

Beautifully done!! It's raining REALLY hard here today.....I'm thinking nice , but I'm ready for Spring!

SEA

If I let you into my heart.....
will you promise to stay?
~Sue~

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2001-03-04 11:48 AM

Karilea....sigh, this is beautiful!

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

3 posted 2001-03-04 11:50 AM

This is superb! The flow, the feel of it, the beautiful words! Well done, Sunshine!

Poeminister
Senior Member

since 2000-02-26

Posts 1862
Regina SK; Canada

4 posted 2001-03-04 10:45 PM

"see the spark in Winter's eyes
as Persephone gives lift, and rise"

Springs of this kind
are my favorite to find...

Wonderful write.

Poeminister
o

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2001-03-05 10:13 AM

Thank you my friendly poets...I like this one, too....

Marsha

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-10

Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

6 posted 2001-03-05 10:23 AM

Kari dear heart, Ah Persephone, thank you harbringer of spring, thank you for the sun you bring that enlightes the soul and cheers the spirit.

Wonderful writing as always love, ever and and anon do you gift us with your beautiful warmth and smile.

You know I love this one don't you?
Good

Take care love as always
Puck

Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite

since 2000-08-04

Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

7 posted 2001-03-05 11:01 AM

When (note: I say not 'if' but 'When'!) you publish your poems in a book - I want to be 1st in line to get an autographed copy. This wlll stand out and a principal reason

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

8 posted 2001-03-05 12:14 PM

Hey hon - this is GORGEOUS.

I love this part, the first verse:

somehow you believe I shall be
ever born as Persephone
and in the Winter of your years
swiftly melt away your fears

The tale of Persephone is one of my favourites.

I, er, have a few suggestions though - you know me, can't shut up etc...

I'm worried about suggesting, or rather querying, what I am about to as it brings into question the whole tone of the poem - which I truly think is beautiful. (You know I don't use that word much too lol...) But oh well - here goes.

I was wondering about your 'whences' and 'thines' etc.

I just feel that if antiquated English is going to be used it should be consistent, or else it seems somewhat out of place. So theoretically, you need to use thous and thys and whatnots all the way through - or not use them at all - cut out the thines and whences lol, and keep the verbiage consistent. That to me would polish it up a bit..

Also - your 'tho' of the second verse. I think that should either read 'though' or "tho'"

Yes, that is pretty much all I have to say...this is going into the library..

K

...and I have found a lifetime can be lived in one moment...

BSC

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-02-04

Posts 2919
New York, USA

9 posted 2001-03-05 12:19 PM

Oh my Karilea ~ simply incredible... one that will be read over and over! Bonnie

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

10 posted 2001-03-05 01:03 PM

indeed a wonderful poem. . .

the Spring will come. . . as it always does. . .

------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

11 posted 2001-03-06 10:31 AM

This is beautiful, Sunshine! I particularly like the 3rd verse... it's lingering in my heart as a welcome visitor. *S*

cathybohannan
Member

since 2000-07-31

Posts 140
Paintsville,KY

12 posted 2001-03-06 12:03 PM

Great poem Sunshine

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