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Jazzmole
Junior Member

since 2001-02-15

Posts 30
Texas

0 posted 2001-02-24 06:28 PM

As I walked, I leaned
against a strong wind,
(what I thought was the wind)
but it was you that blew through me.

Revelation

You were the earth beneath
my feet, and the trees that threw
their paintbrush shadows in front of me.

You were the silent lake
of glistening ice frozen over life
below the surface,
and the music of the last lingering
wind chime leaves that spun around me.

You were every bird that flew,
all of the sky they were suspended in,
and each flake of snow
that melted on my lips.

You were the rhythm that i walked in,
the blood that moved in my body,
and my heart, beating sound and warm
under layers of my clothes and skin.

You were every single thought
that brewed and churned,
that distilled into one potent endall
which i write now:
We would be fools and should be banished
to a kind of hell, if for one moment we form
the thought-
that our love is not as inevitable
as death, as birth,
as Nature's Will.

Michael~

OLIAS
Senior Member

since 2000-06-20

Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

1 posted 2001-02-24 06:43 PM

Vivid pictures, written with great conviction and strength of purpose, I enjoyed this piece alot.

Regards,
Olias.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2001-02-24 06:47 PM

A pleasure to read...James

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2001-02-25 08:36 AM

You were the earth beneath
my feet, and the trees that threw
their paintbrush shadows in front of me.

You were the silent lake
of glistening ice frozen over life
below the surface,
and the music of the last lingering
wind chime leaves that spun around me.
=====================
You were the rhythm that i walked in,
the blood that moved in my body,
and my heart, beating sound and warm
under layers of my clothes and skin.

You were every single thought
that brewed and churned,
that distilled into one potent endall
which i write now:
We would be fools and should be banished
to a kind of hell, if for one moment we form
the thought-
that our love is not as inevitable
as death, as birth,
as Nature's Will.
=======================

"that distilled into one potent endall"

potent..yes this is that ...and intense and powerful.
excellent and beautiful descriptive imagery.

"the trees that threw
their paintbrush shadows in front of me."

"the music of the last lingering
wind chime leaves that spun around me."

very cool,and unique images and comparisons here.
the last 2 verses are written with such intensity of emotion and expression that the reader feels it ...
the flow of intensity picked up pace building to the declaration of the last verse.
excellent writing poet sir.

Strange ... the desire for certain pleasures is a part of my pain.
~Kahlil Gibran~

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

4 posted 2001-02-25 09:11 PM

Wow..so far, I not only read your poetry, I FEEL it too. Another excellent work by you that I love.

NC
Member

since 2001-02-20

Posts 89

5 posted 2001-02-25 10:03 PM

oh, i liked this one
held my interest
from beginning to end

nice!

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