»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #12
»
When I Told You
| Open Poetry #12 |
|
When I Told You |
|
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL 
|
You stood there, With that frown, While I told you all the things, We needed to correct in us Looking like a stricken school boy, Who had realized all too soon, That love sometimes wasn't enough. You can't stand there, And expect to touch me with your hands, When your words never touch me, Like they once did. You can't stand there, And expect me to fall over you, When you toss an "I love you", Carelessly and hurriedly, Over your shoulder as you walk out the door everyday You just cannot stand there, And let me be lonely, While you worry about who wins and looses. If those are your importances in life, Then you can have them. You just stood there, Stricken.. When I told you I had thought, From time to sad time, About leaving and giving up. Don't look at me that way, Because you brought the truth upon yourself, And its up to you, To find out how to keep me now, Although I'm not going anywhere. Can I be your willful breeze, Come to touch, Your heart to ease? |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved | |||
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
*sigh* powerful words. . . we've all been there. . . superb. . . and heartfelt my friend. . . -------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent expression Temptress ... you had me captivated with the emotions brought forth in this piece, very well done! Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
||
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Jenn, this is a great moving story. "I walked beside the evening sea and dreamed a dream that could not be." George William Curtis |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
That love sometimes wasn't enough. You can't stand there, And expect to touch me with your hands, When your words never touch me, Like they once did. You can't stand there, And expect me to fall over you, When you toss an "I love you", Carelessly and hurriedly, Over your shoulder as you walk out the door everyday You just cannot stand there, And let me be lonely, ===================== this was like being slapped with a mirror ... well written and defined moment of realization Jen, felt like we were the fly on the wall.... and the quiet impact of the last line was perfect Tomorrow holds only mystery And who's to say what might be But in you I've found a love so strong The sun and the moon look on in jealousy ~VH~ |
||
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
So far, I haven't thanked anyone for replying to this.  You all have my great appreciation for reading and enjoying my writing. "This above all-ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night:MUST I write? Delve into yourself for a deep answer. Rainer Maria Rilke from "Le |
||
vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Enjoy the read |
||
|
JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
The whole poem touched me.....but especially the last two lines. |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
to find out how to keep me although I'm not going anywhere....now THAT is poetry well done! |
||
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
vandana: Thank you. JLR: Thanks. I've always loved to end poetry well. Thank you for enjoying this and reading. Balladeer: Thank you. Your comments are more than my work deserves! An honor to have you reading! "This above all-ask yourself in the stillest hour of your night:MUST I write? Delve into yourself for a deep answer. Rainer Maria Rilke from "Le |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
