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Whispers in the Dark (thanks Paula!)
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Whispers in the Dark (thanks Paula!) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
(thanks for the phrase Paula!) Whispers in the Dark softly silent scraping sounds leaves against window’s glass child’s terror in the night breathless prayers that it will pass harsh whispers in the dark cutting like a jagged knife opening wounds that won’t heal between husband and wife sleeping child pulled awake covers held tightly to her chin whispers become shouts now the fighting can begin silent witness to the pain of a marriage torn asunder words like vicious storms cascade verbal lightening, spoken thunder |
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| © Copyright 2001 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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desperado Member
since 1999-05-24
Posts 312FT Hood,Tx |
greetings from the field Chief! LOL ok this poem had a good rhyme and rhythm was good, I also liked the last stanza. but I will have to say that it disappointed me to see it end so soon. it kinda left me wondering what happened next. the cliffhanger effect for certain. I'm into the movie, but how does it end? she's up and hears the fighting, but it just stops like hitting a brick wall after that. I would like to read a little more of it, so if you decide to work a little more on it, let me know. I'll check it out and let you know what I think. "There were times in my life when I was going insane tryin to walk through the pain. When I lost my grip and I hit the floor yeah I thought I could le |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
And then there's me who experienced some of this as a child and there was definitely enough here. Don't want anymore pain with it myself. It's powerful as it is. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I have a tendency to go for a 'punch line' ending..and liked the thunder/lightening phrase. And if the 'story' is left to the imagination, is there harm in that? I really appreciate your comments Des. and VAS, I'm sorry if it brought up bad memories, it wasn't my intention to cause pain. |
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Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
PDV, wonderfully done from just one phrase. softly silent scraping sounds leaves against window’s glass child’s terror in the night breathless prayers that it will pass Brought back childhood memories of listening to every sound imagining all sorts of monsters! Then the change, the reason for the childs fears, so different to my childhood. I enjoyed the tension. Love it. Dee I wish you every happiness and pray you'll always have the best of the good things in life. a brand |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Oh wow...not what I had envisioned with that phrase but man oh man is this powerful stuff...the images are just so vivid |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
"Verbal lightening, spoken thunder"....Oh wow!!!! Great piece Sharon. Bonnie |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
wow! great writing! i could feel the childs fear..her pain of having to deal with the fighting... you made such wonderful use of so many great words in this one..  i really like this one..cliffhanger or not..  hugs, g PERFECTION has no CHARACTER... -unknown |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Where did this come from? The description fits so well! Very accurate dipiction in your words. Heart rending, specially the little ones "silent witness to the pain." Excellent Sharon! |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Poet~ this is superb writing.......wow........ SEA |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
It's powerful and moving, saddening yet unfortunately truthful. ~*Peachy Be*~ |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Poet deVine - this is excellant, but brings back so many painful memories. Me thinks that perhaps there are some that reside? BC |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
yep, when you have been there, it says plenty, and says it well, nice writing |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
It's odd. I was a child afraid of sounds in the dark. But never was I in a situation where I listened to my parents argue. They never did. Nor did they talk much. But I have empathy for those who have experienced this kind of pain....... |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Very powerful words and emotions P.D. makes me feel blessed that my childhood was so happy, thanks for sharing. Regards, Olias. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
What wonders you've done with your borrowed phrase! *S* Great poem, PDV... with a powerful ending! |
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Beki Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1569Newport Beach, CA, USA |
perfect imagery, and surprising, I expected soemthing very different from the title. Good work... |
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Red-uni Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 192Georgia, USA |
This poem is powerful. I can relate to the scared child. Look forward to reading more of your poems. Red |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Sigh - this provoked many images in mind, Sharon. Wow. It's like reliving something from the past unvisited for many years. And while I might not care for the images, the message here come through loud and clear. You did wonderful witht the phrase. Michael |
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