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Jazzmole
Junior Member

since 2001-02-15

Posts 30
Texas

0 posted 2001-02-15 10:42 PM

Twelve tones in the scale:
Each one longing to grace your lips.
Yet so often, with much chagrin,
denied.
So careful in your selection.

Eight clefs on the staff,
dangling like plump oranges,
were plucked by your knowing hand.
Requited-
was their love for you.

Six beats in the measure:
Their synchronous hearts kept time
in the sketches you made,
and subsided-
at the command of your refrain.

Three valves under your fingers:
Each jealous of the other you touched,
anxious to be filled with your breath,
inside-
the empty spaces reserved for you.

And one man who sat in wonder:
As *****es Brewed up Kind of Blue.
My stomach sunk as my soul exalted;
beside-
that phonograph.

Michael

OLIAS
Senior Member

since 2000-06-20

Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

1 posted 2001-02-15 11:17 PM

Wow, I really liked this, wonderful use of words and imagery, superb first post, I hope to read much more. Welcome to passions and thank you for sharing.

Regards,
Olias.

Jazzmole
Junior Member

since 2001-02-15

Posts 30
Texas

2 posted 2001-02-15 11:25 PM

Thank you Olias. Perhaps a footnote was needed on that last stanza: The reference to B*tches Brew was used, not for the mere sake of profanity, but as an alliteration and the title of an album by Miles Davis himself while Kind of Blue was another.
Thanks again for the kudos.
Michael~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2001-02-16 01:05 AM

I recognized the reference...my friend! Welcome to the forum...love the tribute...captured the emotion provoked from the piece. Looking forward to many more!

" Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
T.S. Eliot

Jazzmole
Junior Member

since 2001-02-15

Posts 30
Texas

4 posted 2001-02-16 08:42 AM

Thanks Serenity. Of course someone from New Orleans would have a vast knowledge of Jazz. I love your city!!

Michael~

kcsgrandma
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME

5 posted 2001-02-17 12:18 PM

I don't have a great knowledge of jazz, but am a sometime listener. I am captivated by your fresh description of the musical experience. Very nicely done! Welcome to Passions!

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

6 posted 2001-02-17 02:31 AM

Some things never die and Miles will run forever with the legend of his genius filling the void that it originally filled from the beginning.....love the verse about the three valves.. love the idea of the sounds that are made from the soul through those three valves... there are times when it leaves me some kind of blue....great stuff!!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

7 posted 2001-02-17 04:46 AM

I don't know which stanza I liked the most..all had such a wonderful tone to them

~Wynter...Oh and Welcome ~S~

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

8 posted 2001-02-17 03:38 PM

Twelve tones in the scale:
Each one longing to grace your lips.
Yet so often, with much chagrin,
denied.
So careful in your selection.

=====================
Six beats in the measure:
Their synchronous hearts kept time
in the sketches you made,
and subsided-
at the command of your refrain.
===============
this is a VERY COOL poem ...
very unique and creative in its theme, concept, and imagery.
also in its use of comparisons and metaphors
Welcome to Passions Michael ...
its nice to have you here...
I look very forward to more of your work
take care
jm

As sure as God made wine
you can't wrap your arms around a memory
In the dark for me
youre the candle flame that flickers to life
~Mission UK~

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

9 posted 2001-02-17 04:55 PM

enjoy the read

welcome to passions

Cerenity
Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 2637
Escondido-California

10 posted 2001-02-18 06:17 PM

Hi Jazzmole,

I loved the usage of imagery in this piece, great first post and welcome to Passion hope you enjoy your stay.

Love, Cerenity

"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

11 posted 2001-02-18 07:10 PM

I enjoyed this piece for a couple of reasons - First and foremost... I absolutely THRIVE on word play... To accomplish that is in itself great pun.... Secondly, you've incorporated some wonderful imagery - I see personification, & simile for starters...

I DO like formatted poetry... and you've got quite an interesting one going here. It's sort of a composite of structured free verse... Intellesting... Velly intellesting...Indeed..!!..

Oh - Check your email...

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