timing is everything (doreen's challenge)

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Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

0 posted 2001-02-11 03:04 PM

I typed in the first line and let my mind take over. This is what I wrote..no reason..it's not personal...it just came out this way!

He waited by the bus stop
‘timing is everything’ he remembered
his father used to say
between slaps
between swats
between the shrill laughter
that punctuated his day

He rode the bus to work
on a schedule felt by rote
each movement timed
to make sense to those
who watch his every
breath

Timing is everything
as he placed his briefcase
carefully
under his desk, next to the
box that held
his most precious possession
his collection of watches
taken from friends
and unsuspecting strangers

Timing is everything
as he put in his eight hours
and rode home on the bus
and waited for his wife
to take him to their house
so he could hide
in the bosom of his family

Timing is everything
as he knocks carefully on
the door of his father’s room
and sees him sitting mutely
in the chair
not even turning his head
but staring at nothing
out the window
tomorrow, the doctor said
he may regain his senses tomorrow
and timing is everything

[This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 02-11-2001).]

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

1 posted 2001-02-11 03:12 PM

quote:
and waited for his wife
to take him to their house
so he could hide
in the bosom of his family

and

quote:
tomorrow, the doctor said
he may regain his senses tomorrow
and timing is everything

.... sharon this is awesome... i quoted the above lines because those were the ones that hit me smack between the eyes..... you should write more free verse... this is very special, as are you, and so full of depth and feeling.... thank you for responding to the challenge... we all have our own lives in different perspectives and timing is indeed everything because the topic itself gets us thinking about where we were, where we're going, what we've missed, what we treasured, and all that... i'm rambling again.. please forgive me... your poetry has captured me in its richness... thank you again.... you are one who sees.......

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

2 posted 2001-02-11 03:16 PM

This is very very well written and I have to agree that timing is everything when you consider it that way....excellent work!

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

3 posted 2001-02-11 06:09 PM

*g

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

4 posted 2001-02-11 08:22 PM

yes, I missed this one in timing...and I agree with someone..could have been you *s that... don't put off telling your loved ones you care about them..or the day will come and it will be too late...huggzz for a thoughtful read

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2001-02-11 08:35 PM

A good read!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2001-02-11 09:12 PM

I love when that happens!...is pure ZEN...and this is somber and true, even if not personal...I love when you write like this!

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

7 posted 2001-02-11 09:24 PM

I really like the watches from unsuspecting strangers and friends. Great and so spontaneous.

Sunlit Soul
Junior Member

since 2001-02-05

Posts 37
Never Land

8 posted 2001-02-11 09:49 PM

Sometimes being spontaneous can create the best results. Powerful and incredibly well written, I am extremely impressed by your talent!

"Every man dies. Not every man lives."
-Tim Robbins

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

9 posted 2001-02-12 12:53 PM

so he could hide
in the bosom of his family

Timing is everything
as he knocks carefully on
the door of his father’s room
and sees him sitting mutely
in the chair
not even turning his head
but staring at nothing
out the window
tomorrow, the doctor said
he may regain his senses tomorrow
and timing is everything
=====================

powerful emotional imagery in this...
very cool write PD..
the spontanity of inspiration made for a unique turn or phrase.
well done offering to the challenge.

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
There's a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

10 posted 2001-02-12 07:03 PM

I really like this one deVine. . . it's a different perspective. . . one that you always bring to your writing. . .

excellent!!

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

11 posted 2001-02-12 07:09 PM

Thank you all...as I said, I don't know what happened here!! LOL

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

12 posted 2001-02-12 08:49 PM

well as a student of Freud, I would say.........

Or as a simple fan of yours I would just say it was more of that marvelous muse of yours at work...

Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

13 posted 2001-02-12 08:57 PM

Timing is everything - even it's moments stolen from friens and unsuspecting stranger... It's all in the timing... Nice one, PdV... Nice one, indeed..

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