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Open Poetry #12
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someone to blame
| Open Poetry #12 |
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someone to blame |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298
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putting down my fork my salad still half full the realization hitting the back of my throat and my appetite at the same moment... I really have nothing to keep me here amongst the vast expanse of people typing out dreams finding lovers for just one night finding husbands finding wives finding friends for life I have typed out six years of existence into cyber history and have deftly explored my emptiness for all to see and I could turn off the switch and who would cry who would miss me anyway just another name on a screen to be replaced by another name on a screen and I wish I was a real writer not a poet wannabe I wish I had a book to write I wish I was in love with a poet who linked our souls with words I wish I wasn’t lonely when I drive my car I wish I wasn’t me cause I don’t like me anymore well there was really only that small window of time that I truly did those days when you showed me how to smile-people tell me I am pretty when I smile and you made me pretty but now who am I? certainly not who I ever wanted to be and I think that’s part of the problem I never thought out who I wanted to be I just was a barefoot sixteen year old before he molded me into the wife he insisted that i be and I lost 25 years between then and now and I sort of remember that girl who was free to be and I have no idea why I let him take control except that it was easier than fighting and most days were hard enough already two little ones to make smile and I know I caved in and I can’t take it back but I can change it if I want to... but do I want to is being in control all that anyway? do I want to roll up my sleeves and change my own tires sleep by myself (even more so than I already do) for the rest of my life? oh sure, there is somebody out there just perfect for me and all I have to do is get to where we can make eye contact and fall instantly in love and...can anyone give me directions cause I wouldn’t mind waiting for love to show up, if I just knew I was waiting in the right spot cause the older I get the more lost I feel and is being alone gonna make it all right? and no, you don’t have to answer I know it won’t I have to do that where ever I am I have to learn to be at home inside of me but do I want to? some days I really don’t mind living inside a stranger it gives me someone to blame |
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| © Copyright 2001 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"who was free to be and I have no idea why I let him take control except that it was easier than fighting..." and yes..."someone to blame" for me personally? I think that is key...we DO need to talk some more my friend...every word of this is ME...right down to the barefoot sixteen year old...sigh sigh SIGH!!!! |
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Celeste Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597 |
This hits home......really hard for me. Powerful writing. I'm in awe! To capture and live a moment is truly living |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
serenity, thanks and yep, i can feel your heart too girl...twins i think is a good way to describe us  dreamkeeper, thank you...no awe necessary though this is just my heart pouring onto paper, it helps.....not sure how, but it does |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I have typed out six years of existence into cyber history and have deftly explored my emptiness for all to see and I could turn off the switch and who would cry who would miss me anyway just another name on a screen to be replaced by another name on a screen and I wish I was a real writer not a poet wannabe I wish I had a book to write I wish I was in love with a poet who linked our souls with words ==================== the older I get the more lost I feel and is being alone gonna make it all right? and no, you don’t have to answer I know it won’t I have to do that where ever I am I have to learn to be at home inside of me but do I want to? some days I really don’t mind living inside a stranger it gives me someone to blame ================= man oh man ... do I understand ... excellent purge of emotion and inner thoughts jb... tears and mirrors me girlie ... that last lines impact is perfect poetry Heaven bound on wings of love, there's so much that you can rise above. I surrender heart and soul, sacrificed to a higher goal. ~DepechMode~ |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Jellybean, You wear your heart on your sleeve. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to wipe your mouth on your sleeve when your eating jellybeans. You write very well and I enjoyed the read. And the answer is under your hat if you wear a hat. LOL *L* Sy |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JellyBeans~ What an outpouring of emotion. I hope it helps you ... for I feel certain it will help many others. 'well there was really only that small window of time that I truly did those days when you showed me how to smile-' Hope you find that small window open again soon. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
jm, seymore and marge, thank you so much for your comments...i guess for now, this is the last for me...i do need to figure out this stranger that i live in...and playing online isn't gonna do it for me...i need some RealTime thinking and doing.....thanks again for your support jb |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Did it help? Holding it in doesn't seem to help. "I walked beside the evening sea and dreamed a dream that could not be." George William Curtis |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
A very expressive piece, jellybeans.....great work! Nathan |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
kathleen, I don't know...honestly i don't...sometimes i hold it in, sometimes i let it out, but until i make it right inside of me, it doesn't do any good...now...how to make it right...that's another question thanks nate...glad you enjoyed |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
This is powerful writing. I think Marge is right, it will help others, whether or not it helps you. Many of us who reach middle age and find we are not where we want to be can identify with much of what you have written. Thanks for sharing it. To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
You know I love this one... and understand all too well how it aches when you're left looking once again into your own mirror... when it was so very good and sweet to see yourself reflected in someone's smiling eyes. *S* But don't ever forget that you ARE a writer, not just a wannabee... and you DO have something to keep you here amongst the vast expanse of people typing out dreams... a nagging friend with a great big baseball bat! *G* And now... you didn't really think I was going to let this slip by without even one mention of Sybil, did you? *EG* "just another name on a screen to be replaced by another name on a screen" Excellent work, dear lady. *S* |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
kcsgrandma, thank you...and yep, sigh I think you are right suthern...rofg...rofg@another name on the screen...hey sybil was NOWHERE in sight when I wrote this....lolol...course i did write it under another name, but isn't a poet with a different name a poet just the same, and...well maybe I should just be quiet and eat some cookies rofg thanks lady |
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