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Open Poetry #12
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A Second Chance
| Open Poetry #12 |
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A Second Chance |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada 
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A Second Chance She runs along a corridor, pursued by endless thoughts, Collapses in the hallway, as her energy is lost; With leery eyes, she peers around, her breath in labored flow, Her pulse is racing, mind's a whirl … anticipation grows. She knows not how it happened, but the hall has boxed her in, No path to show from where she'd come, nor exit t'ward the end; She wheels about in terror, scans the cage in which she's bound, A claustrophobic panic keeps her anchored to the ground. An eerie silence locks her in this nightmare she has bred, Till suddenly a clang of heaving metal fills her head; The floor proceeds to vibrate, and a grating sound begins, As inch by inch, the walls advance, from outside forces, in! She tries to gather wits about, and focuses her mind, The walls are closing in on her, she hasn't got much time! So frantically, she rights herself, reality transforms, As through a daze, her visions clears, two doors begin to form. As apprehension fills her mind … perplexed … in dire straights, She races to the nearest exit, questioning her fate; Adorned by lavish, golden frame, the door is pristine white, Ornately carved, and welcoming, it brings upon delight. She reaches for the handle, cool and delicate to touch, She gives a turn but then it stops, she re-adjusts her clutch; A second turn, a third, a fourth, resistance meets her grasp, She yanks with all the strength she can, but cannot turn the clasp! Her momentary gladness turns to panic once again, As walls behind her brush her back, advancing from within; She pounds upon the stubborn door, until she can no more, And cries in desperation as she's forced along the floor. With only moments left, she rushes t'ward her sole escape, A crimson door with blackish hue, became her final fate; Her trembling hand moved forward, trepidation filled her soul, To stay would surely crush her, but she feared the daunting door. She grabbed the heavy lever, felt the scorching heat it packed, The wall propelled her forward, till there was no turning back; She turned the knob with little effort, as the door swung wide, She screamed at what was there before her, on the other side! An emptiness, oblivion … a darkness never known, No floor, no ceiling, putrid heat … just cries and empty moans! She tried to look beyond the dark and uttered weakly, "No …." As sounds of wails and howling grew from fires deep below. She turned to flee, but as she did, the wall was simply "there" … Her foot slipped off the final ground, and out into the air; She spiraled down into the darkness, twisting as she yelled, Lost focus of the little door, from which she'd been propelled. Her screams were intermingled with the howls of unknown source, Her mind was torn, as sanity began to lose it's course; She spun and twirled and twisted as the blackness filled the night, Until a painful, heavy thud awoke her from her fright. She felt the carpet there beneath her, smiled and shook her head, As slowly it began to dawn … she just fell out of bed! /Kit McCallum *LOL .. I'm sure you knew where this one was going ...  *and just a little note to let you know that I'll be gone for the next 2 weeks on vacation, so I apologize in advance for missing what I "know" will be some wonderful poetry. Hugs to all ... [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 02-03-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kit McCallum - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
You've described a horrifying nightmare, for sure! Great ending! Whew! Glad it was just a dream! |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
Dear Kit; This is so masterfully written! I was on the edge of my seat and then you had me laughing at the ending! You are sooo gifted, WOW! love, Ellie A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Oh my this was VERY good!!! One of your best Kit! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Wow... you really drew me into this one. Magnificant, my friend. I'll miss reading your beautiful words. Have fun! "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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insect Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014 |
Excellent Kit A dream to remember! Loved the read |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
OH GIRL!!! you had us eating out of you hand .. or pen.. my goodness... you are the Poetess Queen of weave ... you are the femine answer to Balladeers style of writing ... this was way cool ... remarkable cadence kept up for so many wonderful verses. superb writing... you NEED a vacation after that one LOL Enjoy your time off gator girl ... we will miss ya and we will save your spot  |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
Whoa...I certainly hope this wasn't a real nightmare YOU had! whew Excellently penned, Kit! Have a great vacation! sp ...if I ride these dreams to the Irish Sea, oh, even there, I know your heart rides with me... |
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laryalee Member
since 2000-06-19
Posts 352Alberta, Canada |
'Tis a devilish trip you take us on! Hearts apounding....will she or won't she - I wanted her to get back to the white door...felt sick when she fell...I knew something was coming, but not sure what.... Total admiration here! Lary |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
awesome writing, Kit. You used the perfect words and atmosphere throughout the poem to keep it gripping and suspenseful....great work! |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Now now now......that wasn't nice at all ... actually it was terrific. I loved the way it kept me leaning forward waiting to see what would happen and then boom......."Carpet"!! LOL What a wonderful wit you have and of course you know how to really captivate the reader and make them hold their breath so wonderfully. Well done my friend. If you find yourself stranded in a storm ...then reach for my hand and we will play in the puddles together |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
~Denise: Thanks Denise ... it was a true dream too! One of those ones you wake up and can't shake off, LOL ... glad it was only a dream! ~Ellie: Thank you sooooo much for the wonderful words Ellie, I'm so glad you enjoyed! ~Sharon: Thanks Sharon ... I had fun writing this one ... Freud would have had a little fun with the heaven and hell aspects I'd imagine, LOL! ~Erica: Thank you Erica ... much appreciated, and Congratulations again to you! You have fun in the new Forum along with Teen ... you're going to be awfully busy! LOL ~Insect: LOL ... wish I could forget actually, but that's why writing it out helps ... kind of puts it to rest ... thanks Insect! ~JanetMarie: Thank you so much for all the lovely thoughts JM (and I loved the feminine comparative ... biggest compliment I could ever receive ... love ya gator gal, and thanks! ~Snowpants: Yup ... it was a real nightmare alright (but I didn't fall out of bed, LOL). Thanks for enjoying Snowpants! ~Laryalee: Thanks so much for all the wonderful comments Lary ... I really appreciate it! Actually, getting back to the "white door" was part of why I entitled it "second chance" (I'd better make it there, LOL) ~Balladeer: Thank you for commenting on all the parts you know I love to hear Michael ... you are much appreciated sweet poet! And when I get back in a few weeks, how's about we get together for that next duo? I'd love it! ~Mark: Aw Mark ... you're just so good to me! Thanks so much for all the lovely comments, I very much appreciate it! Well, I leave within the hour, so I hope to be back in about 2 weeks. Take care wonderful poets! Much appreciation to all, /Kit |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
I had to pick myself from off the floor, the words blew me away. That has actually happen to me before, that exact nightmare. You really told this story very very well. Your description was so clear, I easily understood what you were saying. It was quite scary to see what happens to this person, but I chuckled at the last few lines... thanks for the smile, and the poem! Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Excellent writing, Kit. You had me hanging on every word!! You told it very well. LW Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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Jill Member
since 2001-02-02
Posts 62Louisiana |
Kit - This was great....you pulled me in from the beginning and the ending had me laughing....excellent!!!! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
WOW! I needed the giggles of the ending to shake off the shivers... awesome writing!! |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Your work is polished and simply flowing to read and the ending!!!!! It's a joy to read and re-read, Kit! "I walked beside the evening sea and dreamed a dream that could not be." George William Curtis |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
This is wonderful Kit. . . I loved everything about it!! ---------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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