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Open Poetry #12
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Don't Go Down To The Woods Today (Humour, and Knights what more could you want)
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Open Poetry #12
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Don't Go Down To The Woods Today (Humour, and Knights what more could you want)
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Don't Go Down To The Woods Today (Humour, and Knights what more could you want) |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England 
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 Don’t Go Down To The Woods Today This is a tale that has blood guts and some gore So if you’re a sensitive soul don’t read anymore Just click your back icon and exit from the page Then you won’t be telling me this is an outrage But if you’re in mind for a tale that’s not sweet That tells the tale about what witches will eat Then this is the tale that is a real must for you And every word in it isn’t, can’t possibly be true It concerns an area of the forest a wretched spot It’s dark and it’s spooky a most unwholesome plot Therein lives a witch she’s a wicked, evil old hag She’s so awful she even carries a real sealskin bag She’s the villain so it’s okay to boo and even hiss It’ll take more to change her than a prince’s kiss If she’s the villain and it’s clear that’s what she is We now need a hero someone to do the right biz So who’s the hero, we’re seeking one daring dude Someone of refinement we don’t want him to be rude But we will take whoever shows himself to us first Oh s*** look whom from the forest has just burst It’s that troubled troubadour, him that sings off key I’d rather have anyone else, anyone, quite frankly Still I suppose that with him we’ve now been stuck Oh that’s just terrific and it’s just like my bad luck So now we need someone to be saved just in time A lovely maiden would do she’d suit us just fine Unfortunately they’ve all been told to stay away There’s only one family lurking around here today They are the Cooks and they live just over there Yes I know they look a little odd, just don’t stare Ah! Yes you’re looking at pa Cooks strange hump Or are you staring at grandma’s odd wooden stump But it’s not their fault they are all very odd indeed It’s because they’re so many and cost a lot to feed Pa Cook hasn’t worked for over ten years I think He told someone his alarm clock was on the blink Ma Cook has had twelve children in that time Someone really ought to tell her to draw the line Grandma does a nice line in clothes pegs I hear And whenever the moon is full some wolves appear So the story can start because we have all we need We don’t need any more that would just be greed I haven’t told you that troubadour’s name have I? Okay I suppose you need his name to cheer Oh my Not that I’m expecting much action from this chap He can barely say hello and please, please don’t clap If he hears applause he’ll start his routine for sure I’ve heard it once already and it’s incredibly poor Ma Cook had ordered Pa Cook to find any old work Around this spooky dark forest she didn’t want to lurk So she sent him out to seek something he could do And don’t come back and tell me they all said shoo Just down the lane was the wicked witches abode I’ll ask here Pa said hoping he wouldn’t become a toad Still if she does I wouldn’t have to worry about it all And no more noisy kids running riot in the ruddy hall So he knocked very loudly on the wicked witches door And she seeing him said Oy what did you do that for? I need a job missus he said with rather a sheepish grin You do? She said, well then you’d better come on in No sooner than he had stepped through that door Than she’d given him a whack and he was no more She set straight to work on him with a knife and fork I’ve been told he tasted like a very fine piece of pork Meanwhile Ma Cook is worried now that Pa’s not here So she sends the oldest son to see if Pa will reappear When several hours later she’s lost several of her sons She sends her girls off and they too vanish one by one Finally the stupid woman is down to her very last three When the troubled troubadour appears looking for a key He’s so dim he makes the village idiot look quite good He’s so dense that he could truly be made of oak wood Anyway he’s here now so let’s move from this same spot Right now is not a very good place in the narrative plot Ma Cook begged him to find her missing kith and kin And invites the troubled troubadour to come right on in After she explained the plot to him several hundred times I said this chap was slow it takes him ages to learn lines He says that he will go and track down the errant Pa Oh yes he’ll find them and he won’t have to go far I’ve still not told you the name of this sad hapless hero He’s actually called Nabroth and he’s more of a zero So off he goes to search for all the missing family Cook He blunders along until he comes to the little brook Finally finding the witch’s cottage he just strolls on in And finds all the Cooks, except Pa, sitting there within He ushers them out into the rather weak sunshine And takes them back home to prove they’re all fine Ma Cook is delighted that all the children are all free Okay Pa’s not there but they are quite safe she can see Nabroth sits down to eat and all the Cooks serve him He’s not used to this fuss no one has ever spoilt him Ma Cook orders the kids finally to get out of her way So she can serve Nabroth the food he’s earned today Why mum, look I only want to change this old cloth Just get says mum because too many cooks spoil Nabroth What do you want at this time of day, me full of wit? Well, that’s not going to happen love no not even a bit No I wasn’t going to add that word that begins with Es I might not be witty but I do at least have some finesse Besides this is funny come on it really did make a smile And that was why I put it into this poetically poets file I can’t do clever tricks with mirrors and that smoky stuff But I can offer this smile tale with a bit of Marsha fluff Marsha [This message has been edited by Marsha (edited 01-30-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Marsha Grace Melody Todd - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Marsha...this is FUNNY...sort of like Hans Christian Andersen on acid...(like he NEEDED that...lol) thank you for the chuckles this morning...and sure glad I'd had my coffee before I read...You really should try prose, you know that? |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
I could never write something this imaginitive and creative, great poem  |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Serenity love, I'm pleased it brought you a grin which is what it was for. I couldn't do prose love, I've read some of it and it is all so much better than I could ever do. (Shh don't let Kari hear me, she'll say it's a challenge, and it's too hard!) Besides if it doesn't rhyme I cannot do it. Every time I try to do free verse it ends up with a rhyme, even though I try not to. Take care love Mushy  jellybeans love, you will weave magic and dreams into pieces that make this look like a childs doodle. (Which it is, in a way, this is just a fun piece to bring a smile) But don't for a moment imagine that this is special love, you will do far better, truly you will. My only advice for what it's worth is read as many different poets as you can. You will have favourites, we all do, but try to read others as well. And ENJOY YOURSELF Take care love Mushy And thank you truly |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
*Sven falls over in hysterical laughter* This is just too funny Bubbles. . . what a story. . . I'll never look at anyone named Cook the same way again. . . LOL ------------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
*Kethry giggles hysterically joining Sven on the floor* Now look what you made me do Marsha I'm crying with laughter... and that small puddle on the floor...not it's not what you think...I spilled my water...write on muse daughter. Kethry Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Sven, AD dear heart, Kari said write a story, and what is a story without a moral. Yes I wrote it only for the laughs, I always think love that laughs are easier to get back if you give them out. And I enjoyd it to, though don't tell her. Thank you love, I can see you laughing like a drain. Now all I have to do is find the other one of these to go with it. Take care love AD as always Bubbles Kethry dear heart, You enjoyed this little thing of mine love, and I'm glad it brought a smile love. And are you sure it's water dear heart, okay love I'll believe it. Although you know how gullible I am Thank you love, Take care love as always Slushy Take back the hope you gave,- I claim Only a memory of the same Robert Browning |
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Don't Go Down To The Woods Today (Humour, and Knights what more could you want)
