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Open Poetry #11

Killing Time

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

0 posted 2001-01-04 01:29 AM

Killing Time

Moving forward...
the hands
of time, out in
front, blocking
and opening
Carefully stepping
to maneuver through
land mines
of deception
Ticking
past another
memory
Another moment
when your smile
flashed
and
blinded me to
what wasn't
really
there

"...I am a river in winter,
quiet in the eyes of most
but deep,
swift and full of life
to one, lucky enough to fall through the ice.

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant

since 2000-07-06

Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England

1 posted 2001-01-04 05:17 AM

I am still thinking about the last line....
"and blinded me to what wasn't really there"
That is a great line......the whole poem was great!!

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

2 posted 2001-01-04 05:36 AM

It's amazing how that old cliche once burned twice shy still applies. Not that I like cliches very much but this is a very clever write and you got your feelings across in such a wonderful poetic way....take care ethome

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2001-01-04 08:50 AM

Seens like I get lots of these smiles...it is hard to judge a smile...for me anyway...is it a good smile or a bad smile...James

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

4 posted 2001-01-05 10:16 PM

sunny, ethome, james... thank you for taking the time to read this. your comments are greatly appreciated.

snow

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

5 posted 2001-01-06 03:11 PM

wow snow loved the poem, all great lines, if I was forced to piece a fav bit though it would be

Carefully stepping
to maneuver through
land mines
of deception

wish I had wrote that.

There's a feeling of contentment Now that you are here I feel satisfied I belong
inside Your velvet heaven" Depeche mode

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

6 posted 2001-01-07 08:23 AM

Wonderful write! (smiles)

Nathan

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