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Open Poetry #11
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2000-12-30 11:59 AM


Transparent Commentary

Shadows trace and trail me round
Court my feet upon the ground
Pantomimes my every line
Filigree my dress design.

Tansparent in this delight
Naked shadows sleep the night.
But cannot follow me my guile
This subtle difference makes me smile.

There are some things I like to do
Beyond the sun beyond the blue.
Perhaps in secret fantasy
I will not share this ecstasy.

My shadow feeds upon the bright
And sleeps with I the dark of night
Perhaps my shadow has a lark
Perhaps it wiles within the dark.

It lives a world away from me
Yet lives my same eternity.


© Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2000-12-30 01:04 PM


This is absolutely wonderful Seymour!!! I loved the visuals this brought to mind of shadows mimicking through day, then being left out of the evening follies ... what a great concept, loved this!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2000-12-30 01:30 PM


Kit,
Thank you for the interesting comment.

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258
meet Morgana
3 posted 2000-12-30 02:09 PM


There are some things I like to do
Beyond the sun beyond the blue.
Perhaps in secret fantasy
I will not share this ecstasy

I really liked that stanza. I'm not exactly sure why to be honest. I suppose it's because I relate to it pretty well. The whole poem itself though was, as Kit said, absolutely wonderful. This is actually a topic I don't see much so I enjoyed all the more.  

Angel


I am no one if not myself.

~*SeLf PrOcLaImEd FrEaK oF nAtUrE*~


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2000-12-30 02:43 PM


Don't know that I can share some of the images that graced my gray as I read these lines...suffice to say, through thought, came smiles, and a never-ending desire to read you always...
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

5 posted 2000-12-30 03:08 PM


Seymour, this is fine poetry.  Your rhyme is perfect, the meter flows I don't have to scan this to know that!  But more importantly the message is clear to me, I believe. Thank you for this well crafted piece.

"Every man dies.
Not every man truly lives."
Braveheart

Kathleen



Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
6 posted 2000-12-30 04:00 PM


excellent Sy. . .

our shadows always seem to have more fun than we do. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


Charisma
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Member Ascendant
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
7 posted 2000-12-30 04:17 PM


oh my....this is so beautiful....especially these lines....

There are some things I like to do
Beyond the sun beyond the blue.
Perhaps in secret fantasy
I will not share this ecstasy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and it's not fair that you wont share these secret fantasy....  

love it

((hugs))
Charisma

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2000-12-30 04:19 PM


Tansparent in this delight
Naked shadows sleep the night.
But cannot follow me my guile
This subtle difference makes me smile.

There are some things I like to do
Beyond the sun beyond the blue.
Perhaps in secret fantasy
I will not share this ecstasy.

My shadow feeds upon the bright
And sleeps with I the dark of night
Perhaps my shadow has a lark
Perhaps it wiles within the dark.

It lives a world away from me
Yet lives my same eternity
=====================

this WAY COOL poem makes me smile ...
ya know I always dig the guile of your wile  
does your shadow look like you...or that randy dragon?  
*winkiewinkie*
me

Some people find subtlety in strangers
if you find anything~let me in
Your eyes~you see everything
my eyes~I see it all together now~and I know

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
9 posted 2000-12-30 04:27 PM


Wow, this is an excellent poem! So filled with such voice, every line is wonderful! Thank you for sharing, my friend!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
10 posted 2000-12-30 06:08 PM


Dark,
Me and my shadow thank you.

Karilea,
You will always be my sunshine. *L*

Irish,
I thank you for the well crafted comment.

Sven,
Thanks for the excellent.

Charisma,
Not with my shadow but I will with you.

JM,
More like my randy dragon. Winkiewinkie Stinky

Mistletoe,
And my shadow too? Thank you.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2000-12-30 08:25 PM


Ah Sy, you give me reason for a bump...{~,^} I would always be your sunshine...yes indeedy...
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
12 posted 2000-12-30 11:19 PM


Sunshine,
Thank you for the bump. *L*

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
13 posted 2000-12-31 12:06 PM


Completely and utterly wonderful...and you look so GOOD Sy!!!!    
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
14 posted 2000-12-31 10:41 AM


Poet deVine,
A devine compliment, I thank you *L*

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