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Open Poetry #11
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A Death in December (1st draft)
| Open Poetry #11 |
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A Death in December (1st draft) |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL 
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A death in December Driftwood cast upon a stellar shore Comprised of constellations Washed from my being… fluid Unholy water pooled stagnant Into galactic eyes staring vacant Across dark matter cast into Broken bones felled by the cosmos. Disjointed segments of the whole Skeletal Winter Solstice of depression Releasing my gravity on life To this death of orbital aloneness Bound in a seasonal cocoon Awaiting the metamorphosis in May. Robert if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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| © Copyright 2000 RobertB - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Oh, from an emotional view you got me on this one. Who cares about the versification and the drafting! Kidding, a bit. The month of May........ is it. Thank you for this one. "Every man dies. Not every man truly lives." Braveheart Kathleen |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Thank you Irish!!! I think the "M"ays have it. Robert |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I never plug myself but watch for my 3000 post and you'll know why I feel this way, that and the fact that my birthday is in May. "Every man dies. Not every man truly lives." Braveheart Kathleen |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
OK...looks like only 39 to go from here. Robert |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Robert, you have such a way with words. Have I ever told you that? I'm ready for that renewal myself. Fabulous writing! Denise |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Thank you Denise....I have been playing with this poem for several days. I thought.."Oh boy...a poem that I can work on all winter!!" Then tonight I sat down and wrote all but three lines in 10 minutes. Sheesh...I am hopeless......... Robert |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
RobertB~ I feel a sense of depth in this one. You appear to be reaching for more in it ... I'm not sure if you're sure where you want it to go. I feel a drawing-in surrounded by coldness, whether self-imposed or inflicted by elements beyond your control ... Waiting for warmth to come, bringing the opening up of YOU with it. I feel the bleakness of a situation - and then the security of the cocoon that will hold you until you let the warmth come in. It will be interesting to see whether it is where you want it ... or if, indeed, there is a draft #2. As always, I admire the thought you put into your work. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Agreed... on all counts.. MAY warmth befall us ASAP...  |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Marge.....I thank you for the thought YOU put into your comment!! I always reach for more in poetry....shallow poetry is.....shallow. If poetry is a journey then the reader should go along on it with me. I hope you liked the ride. Nan.......warm days are a comin' Robert [This message has been edited by RobertB (edited 12-29-2000).] |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Well, at the rate you are going, Robert, you could have a whole stockpile of poems on hand and then we wouldn't be deprived of your presence on the forums when Spring and Summer months keep you too busy at work! How's that for a look on the bright side?! Denise |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Oh Denise!!! I had a foreman tell me when I was 19 and new on the job: "Go for quality....quantity will follow". My stockpile is a bit depleted. I think I will spend some time on this one and the last one I wrote....I am not sure they are as they should be...... Robert |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I knew you were a man of quality! Denise |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
OH Denise.....you want more money right???  }Robert |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Robert! Of course not.....but I'll never turn it down!  Denise |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
How in the world do those smiley faces keep showing up in my comments??? I DO NOT smoke!!!!! }I am trying to make a sideways smiley face!! : - } I have to space it out. |
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