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Hopeless
| Open Poetry #11 |
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Hopeless |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
I thought I'd share this old poem of mine from February with all of you wonderful poets because though it is very sad and full of pain I went through before, it also answers the question and rids of all the enigma I went through from before. You all have given me joy and happiness, and I thank you all for it. You have given me much to believe in, and I love you all so very very much! You all mean so much to me, and I'll always be here for you! This poem is about my pain from before, and all of you have made me really happy!!! Hopeless By: Noah Eaton I feel so hopeless, I feel so worthless But it’s been nothing new from the start I try to find the light in life to be happy But my lungs just freeze up, break up, and fall apart And I remember the summer of 1994 Me and my family went to the only family reunion we’ve ever been to That was the only time I ever saw the rest of my family I looked at them and thought I loved them already, just as they all cared for me But these visions were deceiving, my eyes just couldn’t register any love I tried to socialize with the other kids my age, they told me to buzz off I wanted to join the others in a game of pool, but they poked my chest with the cue and scared me away I couldn’t get in the swimming pool without others surrounding me and splashing water in my eyes And I tried begging other uncles and aunts to help me But they just laid back in their beach chairs, sipping back on Pepsi and Rolling Rock I couldn’t stand all this devastation, I begged my parents to take me home Because everyone here was just so cold… If pain is part in living life Mine was out of control I feel so damn hopeless Are you just going to leave me to cry? And if love is the answer in curing this disease I haven’t felt any of it… I’d stare out at the sunset, hoping that everything would be better tomorrow Thinking if maybe sometime soon, the tables would turn And somewhere out there in the distance, something good will follow My mom and dad would always say “It’s just a phase we get over” But this hope I had, this desire, it was just killing me every day To think that the next day greatness would come, endlessly and endlessly Like the Wheel Of Fortune on Ritalin, my search for joy had gotten nowhere I felt like crying every single day, but I just tried to hide my tears and try to smile, for I thought I’d scare my parents But they could read my face like an encyclopedia, they took me to the psychiatrist one November day They thought I had some depression symptom, or something even worse, but the doctor said, “No, he is perfectly healthy” I was so naïve back then, I was too shy to admit my many endless sleepless nights For I had nightmares every single night, which gave birth to seizures every September and October night If I wasn’t such a fool back then, I would rise to the occasion and express exactly how I felt My mother would hug me tight, crying uncontrollably, saying “Please talk to me!” Listen Mom, it’s not your fault, please don’t cry, I am here for you I am just traumatized by these thoughts, I feel guilty in expressing my emotions, I’m too nervous If pain is part in living life, Mine is out of control I feel so damn hopeless Why, oh why, can’t anyone accept me? And if love is the answer in curing this disease… I haven’t felt any of it… Alone 24/7 without anyone to help me, anyone to lighten up my days I would lay on my bed all throughout the afternoon, with the blinds shut over the window Because I didn’t want anyone to see me, no one but my mom and dad understood how I felt So I would just blind my visions of my neighborhood, and let them be I thought about running away, trying to seek my true place of happiness But my ankles were all so numbing cold with anxiety, I just couldn’t leave I would always mutter to myself “One Mississippi” and so-forth in hope that a miracle would come But my words would just leave my tongue as I realize that nothing was happening at all We went on vacation to Disney World in the winter of 1995 I was an active cartoon watcher, but I just couldn’t smile I would spontaneously weep at the most unpredictable times, as we were waiting in lines And when we were back in our hotel room, I would spend hours in the corner, crying alone I’d hear my parents sometimes cursing in the other room, I’d just burst in tears and think it was all my fault I would think that I was their problem, and that sting would just break my heart to shreds I would pray secretly to God, I’d tell him, “Why am I here if nothing good is happening?” Can’t somebody understand me, can’t anybody hear me, can’t anybody tell me who I am and why I’m here?” If pain is part in living life, Mine is out of control I feel so damn hopeless Can’t anybody see me suffering here? And if love is the answer in curing this disease… I haven’t felt any of it… Can’t anybody see that I am here, hopeless? Does anyone else out there feel the same way that I do? And does anybody out there love me? Does anybody out there love me? Does anybody out there love me because my heart is burning to the stake I stood out on the California street in front of an oncoming bus My mom reached out and grabbed me, together we burst in tears I felt so hopeless…hopeless… Back then… Copyright 2000 Noah Eaton 2/28/00 |
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| © Copyright 2000 Nadia Lockheart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
If someone reached out to you, there is hope.... "Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell." Joan Crawford |
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Lady Lightning Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 422Kentucky |
How very sad to feel so much pain..So glad you are feeling better now..Always remember there is hope, and there's always someone who truly cares...As for Passions, I'm new here myself and I haven't stopped smiling since the first day I came in here..  This is my home away from home..A truly wonderful, beautiful place to be... Keep writing, looking forward to lots more from you... Hugs to you...~LL~< !signature--> The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost. author unknown [This message has been edited by Lady Lightning (edited 12-26-2000).] |
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