Today I don't really look like me...

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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2000-12-26 11:46 AM

Oh I can dress myself up
and in mirror look "fine"
but that's not the me,
the one in this mind
as my heart begins pounding,
on this dawning day...
I am crying inside,
no expressions could say
the hurt that I feel,
to be forgotten as one
who has spent a whole lifetime,
to see it undone.

Or even the worse,
to have silence be heard
not a sign for ten days,
not one single word...
I could search as before,
lose my dignity too.
Oh yes, I have done that
and the "even" came due.
Aches I will have,
and bruises turned green.
doesn't pay to try saving
by making a scene...

So I sit here and wonder,
what thoughts must he feel
Am I just in a nightmare
but one that is real...
Queasy, inside me
a bit shaky today...
It's a hard thing to swallow
being left here this way...

I am not really me
I have changed now, of late.
If you saw me, you'd know it
you could tell by my gait
as my pacings grow slower
and my eyes, hazel dull
and these lips whisper yearnings
to silence this lull...

I am rhyming this poem,
heaven knows why
guess it makes me think harder,
walling back tears to cry.
But the dampness is in me
even if dry shows without
all that I have left is
this nightmarish doubt...

sorry....
~Wynter

< !signature-->

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 12-26-2000).]

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

1 posted 2000-12-26 11:59 AM

I could have written every line of this right along with you; perhaps others as well, it is one of the most real poems I've read because I understand every single word.

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
Joan Crawford

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

2 posted 2000-12-26 12:09 PM

Wynter,
*HuGS,*
I have days when I look in the mirror and think who is that person and how can she be smiling.So I maybe know a little of where you're coming from. You don't have to be sorry love for posting this moving and real piece.
Be real and feel
Kethry

Religion is for people frightened about going to hell - Spirituality is for people who have been there. Anon.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2000-12-26 02:12 PM

Rose, it is real every last word..as is most of what I write...thank you and I hope you are not as sad as I am..today

Kethry ...even a forced smile is hard to do lately...but I smile in thought..

thank you both

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

4 posted 2000-12-26 02:55 PM

Wynter, if ya need, I have a thick-necked friend named Bruno that could talk to this fellow. Nobody should damage a heart like yours....

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

5 posted 2000-12-26 03:57 PM

I am laughing through tears, Deer..it is my husband who wants a divorce..but has disappeared...I almost would welcome the thick necked Bruno...but I would rather have him give me a hug....I almost forgot what one feels like...

~softsmiles

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Breathe~
Member

since 2000-02-05

Posts 315
Washington...

6 posted 2000-12-26 04:15 PM

I'm so sorry M....*hugs*

Words are not enough...That I do know...

but please know, I am thinking of you...

Denise

I love the time
and in between
the calm inside me
in the space
where I can breathe...

Sarah McLachlan

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

7 posted 2000-12-26 06:52 PM

Denise...thank you and I am happy to know your name now...it's always been a pleasure reading you..huggzz

~Wynter (M)

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

8 posted 2000-12-26 07:33 PM

*hugs* to you my friend. . .

the pain is far too evident. . .

-----------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

9 posted 2000-12-27 06:37 AM

Sven- that evident huh? I try not to be..awww who am I kidding..not you, that's for sure..thank you Sven for the *hugs*...some moments capture me and won't release me until I write..

~Wynter

"The worst prison would be a closed heart".
...Pope John Paul II

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