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Open Poetry #11
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-11-20 03:49 AM


not quite alive
not quite dead
and a simple sonnet echoes....

and there are things to do today
and I don't care if they get done
a lovely tone bewitches me
I'd love to smoke
but I won't roll...
I'm in thirst
and can't believe
nothing
wet
will ever please
and memories
roll like dice
across the table
craps
a game--
make you think twice
and still
to bet
for a parlay
come line
and you roll...

I wish the whistles
bells
would stop
excitement
in this dream of mine--
MAKE IT ALL---
oh make it stop...
and give me
cotton candied dreams

for want of silence
beg of scream

silent whistles
quiet dreams

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2000-11-20 04:28 AM



I'm in thirst
and can't believe
nothing
wet
will ever please

for want of silence
beg of scream

silent whistles
quiet dreams


lots of lines I liked in this one, serenity  

~Wynter (awake too early once again)



Celeste
Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597

2 posted 2000-11-20 08:01 AM


"and memories
roll like dice
across the table"

LOVED THAT!    

To capture and live a moment is truly living

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2000-11-20 09:09 AM


been living somewhere in between for so long now..dont know no other way ..
besides,it takes less effort to be complacent right?  ..yeah I know..I know..
so why cant we live in poetry land anyway  
Hugs to ya me twin.. and ya know Im always hoing to find that one perfect lullaby so you can have those quiet dreams...
love you muchly me girlie ... I do I do  
me

There are moments ...
when I Love you
beyond the limits of my human heart ...

...you will always be mine.

Collin Raye


VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
4 posted 2000-11-20 09:32 AM


Really enjoyed this one, can identify so well with it...and the one comment in particular...Why can't we live in poetry land?
Wouldn't it be wonderful!
I wish I could make my living there, then I could be there all the time instead of 'too much of the time.' ;o}

You have some really exquisite lines in this piece, fresh, original, yet familiar because they're so 'right on!'

dragonpoe
Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida
5 posted 2000-11-20 09:39 AM


You really packed some good lines in this one.
Enjoyed this very much


With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2000-11-20 10:03 AM


THIS....is so good....

speaks my mind...


Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




Tony Abbot
Member
since 2000-11-18
Posts 209
North Wales,UK
7 posted 2000-11-20 10:56 AM


I loved the sentiments in this piece.Fine work.

'Humankind cannot bear too much reality' T.S.Eliot

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
8 posted 2000-11-20 11:20 AM


for want of silence
beg of scream
----------------

very nice senster love your work

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

9 posted 2000-12-07 10:06 PM



Serenity, I was caught up in the expression here...

This is an exceptional write and I most enjoyed the flow and the pace you set the whole poem to...

HMMM... me likes alot

coco

Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
10 posted 2000-12-08 12:35 PM




That last line...you knocked the wind out of
me baby!  Yes....quiet dreams...I'm right
there wishing for that part right beside
you.  What a powerful weave...hugs and love
in this one my friend~



[This message has been edited by Butterflies_dont_cry (edited 12-08-2000).]

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

11 posted 2000-12-08 01:21 PM


~I'm not going to say anything at all. Just know though,...*sigh*,...that I feel this and you. Too damn real K. *Peace always.
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
12 posted 2000-12-08 01:32 PM


If I could find a quiet dream myself then I would be more than happy to share it with you my friend.  I will try to tiptoe a little quieter across your heart though if it would help.   Hugs my sweet friend.

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.
author unknown


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2000-12-08 01:54 PM


I am over here giggling with the flu...ROFL...my sick butt off.

Coco...I had completely forgotten about this one...and there you go again, digging through the back scroll...and I'm like, "huh?" and what's the first words I read?

Not quite alive
not quite dead...

oh man..sometimes my life is just too rich in irony...but thank you much everybody, and especially the diligent coco, you made me smile pretty on a blah day!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
14 posted 2000-12-22 08:59 AM


Little one, I'm hoping Santa brings those cotton candy dreams...you're in my thoughts...good re-read...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




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