'Deer (the) Slayer - Response to Balladeer's "Deerslayer

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LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

0 posted 2000-12-12 01:08 PM

"Deerslayer" is a typical Balladeer poem - well laid out, well written, and smooth.  To make it fit 'Deer a little better, lemme make just a couple of minor
changes - OK?  heh heh

Quite stealthily, he moved along - path chosen carefully
His antennae alert and twitching, constant vigilance the key.
Mortifying with clickie gait he quickly made his way
The roach was quite a ghastly sight on 'Deer's salad plate.

Balladeer sat not two feet from where the young roach stood.
With spray can on his shoulder, his trigger finger felt really good.
He saw the roach move unaware of any presence there
'Deer aimed the nozzle, squeezed the trigger, and shot Roach-Be-Gone through the air.

It caught the roach straight in the head. He skittered and spun around.
His antennae shook with sheer surprise as he jerked without a sound.
He hadn't realized the danger...out on that salad plate,
And now the game was over and he'd never be the same.

Balladeer smiled and sheathed his wand, prodding cautiously.
His aim had been unerring as it always seemed to be.
He looked down at the roach - poor thing had been such easy prey
Then raised his fork and ate the salad that was still on his plate.

Now - doesn't that sound better????  *innocent eyes* lol

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

1 posted 2000-12-12 01:13 PM

*giggling with delight* oh my gosh. This is too, too funny. Much love to you from me.

Love I leave with you my friend whether it be in your life or of yet the essense of your dreams. http://path2riches.com

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2000-12-12 01:24 PM

"shaking head"...."sighing"....LJA....sometimes I think you will never learn...

and then of course, I pick myself up off the floor from laughing my .... off...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2000-12-12 02:48 PM

I can't believe it! You have taken my stirring, heart-felt rendition of a beautiful ballad of love and turn it into a..a..THING that made me laugh so hard I've got tears in my eyes! How could do???? Is nothing sacred!?!?! Curse you, LongJohn

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

4 posted 2000-12-12 04:36 PM

no more Long John Silvers for you, only Puss n' boots

"Always be a first rate version of your self instead of a second rate version
of someone else." Marilyn Monroe

inot2B
Member Elite

since 2000-09-18

Posts 2205
Arkansas

5 posted 2000-12-13 12:27 PM

Shame on you! You've got your Lorelei who loves you so, can't you be happy that Balladeer has found his to.

Oh course I did enjoy this and it will be awhile before I can sit and eat a salad.
LOL

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

6 posted 2000-12-13 08:38 AM

Star-girl - Sometimes I surprise even myself - Normally I don't go right for the throat this blatantly.  I wouldn't have written this reprise of Balladeer's terrific poem, "Deerslayer" if I didn't know first that Mike is all class and has a great sense of humor.

Karilea - I concur with your estimate of my learning (dis)abilities.  I'm glad you enjoyed.  In time, this devilish imp who guides my muse may retire - but not anytime soon, I hope.

'Deer - How could I do that dispicable thing?  It was easy.  All I had to do was look at the 'mark' - lol.  Thank you for your curses.  They reassure me that I have indeed given you inspiration.  Incidently, your poem was far better than mine; I enjoyed it very much.

Irish - Yanno, that comment about the Puss n' Boots is unconscionable and cruel, considering my reputation for kicking kitties.  To feed me the very victuals upon which those furball-making critters receive their sustenance is truly the lowest form of punishment!

2B - If you feel this strongly about 'Deer, then truly I pity you for being lured into the coven of adulators whew, I almost mispelled that word who have fallen under his spell.  tsk tsk - He is such a devil.

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