My Very First Haiku- inspired by Interloper

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SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

0 posted 2000-11-16 10:20 AM

Beauty in my eyes
you are all that I can see
visions of loving
~SEA~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2000-11-16 10:21 AM

I hope I did this right, if not, please tell me what I did wrong thanks, SEA

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2000-11-16 10:22 AM

Sea, this is lovely! Haikus generally reflect nature, but I have no problem with this keeper....< !signature-->

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 11-16-2000).]

OLIAS
Senior Member

since 2000-06-20

Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa

3 posted 2000-11-16 10:31 AM

You hit the nail on the head with me SEA. Well done !!

Regards
Olias.

Interloper

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-06

Posts 8369
Deep in the heart

4 posted 2000-11-16 10:33 AM

Golly you did good
A successful first attempt
Now don't you feel good

What Sunshine said ... Ditto

Live for love. Without love, you don't live.

BSC

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-02-04

Posts 2919
New York, USA

5 posted 2000-11-16 10:38 AM

Beautiful little gem SEA ~ Bonnie

Victoria

Member Ascendant

since 2000-08-12

Posts 5869

6 posted 2000-11-16 10:43 AM

yep you got the hang of it sea..write on

salty sea whispers
the tides reflect the sunshine
a jelly fish stings

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
- Paul Valery (1871-1945)

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

7 posted 2000-11-16 11:05 AM

Sunshine~ ok, I'll do them that way, thank you!

Olias~

thank you

Interloper~ thanks

Bonnie~ I like these, they're fun, thanks

Victoria~ I'm trying, thank you

-SEA

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

8 posted 2000-11-16 11:18 AM

SEA

You have followed the count perfectly. I love the lightness of the piece, the tenderness of its message.

I used to do lots of Haiku until I learned of stringent 'purist' rules. They were too hard to understand so I gave up. I hope you do not for this first attempt is so beautiful.

VAS

Charisma

Member Ascendant

since 2000-09-30

Posts 5906
lost in blue pages

9 posted 2000-11-16 01:32 PM

sounds good for me Sea...
but well I have never done that..
but seeing yours and the others doing this...
well maybe I will try it too...
loved yours

((hugs))
Charisma

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

10 posted 2000-11-16 02:08 PM

SEA-
  this is really beautiful.
  as Sunshine stated, haiku is
  a nature-themed poetry form.
  however, this is still a valid
  form of poetry...a haiku that
  is not nature-related is called
  a senryu, and this is a
  wonderful example of senryu that
  you have penned.
  very nicely done.

  hugs,
  -vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his
heart, you have not truely met the poet."
-vlraynes

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

11 posted 2000-11-16 06:08 PM

a senryu this is and a sweet one that makes go WoW!

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