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Open Poetry #10
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Silent
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Silent |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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It’s mysterious how you arrive and travel on out again without any rationale other than ‘you are the cloud over my freedom’ I guess though that they’re words and you wouldn’t speak them out loud or even perhaps inside I could chastise you I’d offer all the love and potential heart beat but you wouldn’t hear would you? You’d just walk on by holding that creation of independence and surety Are these words not beautiful enough? Are they matter of factly unpoetic? Sigh I’m beyond poetry it’s died |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
*whispering softly so as not to break the silence* Severn, you did well on this one...especially on those last couple of lines. I thought they were very powerful. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Kamla, This the most direct piece I've ever read of yours, it is matter of fact, but you are not beyond poetry. You couldn't write anything unpoetic, but your words carry a little more weight than usual, and I felt them Stay well and sweet Hugs Liz |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
The frustration you express here is so straightforward and intense...and I can feel you turning to silence out of the results.. some guys just never learn do they...ethome |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I like this. I like the ending a lot. I would change died to dead in the last line, but then again, I guess this isn't CA, is it. Oh well. Ryan (You know, I think it's harder to write short comments than it is to write long drawn out ones. Hmmm, odd. But once again, oh well.) I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. —Jack Kerouac |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
double posts make me sad...they will yet be the downfall of this world [This message has been edited by Ryan (edited 11-14-2000).] |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Severn, It is how you feel that matters. Seldom are the reflections of your innerthoughts expressed in words, until you write them!!! Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Oh my heart....K? the poetry is not dead, and neither are you lovie. HUGS for you. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Kamla, this is sadly haunting. Put this in a book..between two pages. Now close the book. Put the book on the shelf. Look up and smile. Walk away from the shelf, out the door. And you will find that poetry in your heart again. I promise.  |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
K, Hon this is very sad my dear, especially the ending, you could never be beyond poetry. You are Poetry!! *hugs* SB Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Kamla, Let me just say Poetry breathes through you, my friend... Excellent write, this is a gem and so are you... regards, Sudhir |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LK A nice straightforward, honest and unvarnished expression of feelings and truth, and that is always the best poetry IMHO  interesting paradox that in a poem that professes loss of your muse you actually find something more - in writing as well as in life I guess we "grow up", we move on we mature.. it's also interesting that the only "flowery metaphor" in this is in quotes as spoken by the person addressed - the rest is an uncomplicated first step towards reconciliation of feelings and towards growth - and all the more powerful for that ..... the closure is correct ..YOU are beyond poetry ... poetry can be used and abused just as any other form of communication can, but in the end it is no more than a tool. Sometimes I guess (from first hand experience) we become "lost" in poetry, or at least it's power distorts "reality". Sometimes we might forget its real status as servant not master - at such times it is not only good, but essential that we go BEYOND such poetry not least of all so that soon we may return to it renewed, stronger and more able to deal with the totality of our existence. you are a strong person Lady K - pretty soon you'll be flying again, faster and higher than before ...(just remember though that the rest of us have to try and keep up ...lol..  )take care SP |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now my little K...nothing dies, for everything in some fashion has the chance to be reborn, but the loss of one substance over another is there, and we feel the loss dreadfully... until we learn to look in the mirror and see the life that is left in our own eyes, and marvel that we yet breathe... now, do as has been suggested...so that we may enjoy this exquisite pain again...so that we can feel the love again as is most natural... hugs, my little K...< !signature--> Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 11-15-2000).] |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
‘you are the cloud over my freedom’ ================= Heed Sunshine's words and all the clouds in your life will burn away and let in the sunshine. Live for love. Without love, you don't live. |
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Casablanca Confidential Junior Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 13Virgin Islands |
I'm beyond poetry.... yes... this is very emotive.... what great poetry at this site < !signature--> you know how to whistle... just pucker up and blow [This message has been edited by Casablanca Confidential (edited 11-15-2000).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
would you not play with a kea? or would you rather it go the way of the moa? look to Mount Cook in its Maori name Aorangi cloud piercer  perhaps beyond perhaps above but dead? if dead then now reborn as are words arranged by you < !signature--> Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". [This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 11-15-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
geez jamie what a stunning photo - i love mountains |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Tis Cloud Piercer itself Philip, in the land of K. Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I must agree. . . nothing dies. . . it is killed. . . In you, it will never die. . . This is one of the most superb poems I have read. . . thank you. . . ------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Kamla~ 'Sigh I’m beyond poetry' Oh, yes, little one .... far beyond - Transcending thoughts, once thought dead ... Whispering to the 'cloud over my freedom' - here I am - here I am ! Just as lovely as we've known you to be. *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Kamla--You are breath and air...and when you come home to words...you are poetry! |
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Robert Joseph Member
since 2000-10-07
Posts 491South Carolina |
Kamla, these are the words of heart schooled in the rise and fall of ''amour.'' To quote one line or stanza would be unjust...a most engaging read. Robert Joseph [This message has been edited by Robert Joseph (edited 11-16-2000).] |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
Enjoyed it!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Very well done, you started softly then built up the feeling and released all of it in the final lines. Great effect With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
miss sev the river the giver nice poem sis |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
(I'm sorry it's taken so long to come and give you all a personal reply...thanks in general for the support this has received guys) Elizabeth - thankyou hon...sigh, I didn't aim for powerful, to me, in the writing of this it merely felt empty. That you can see it as powerful in any sense is wonderful. Lizzy - I have many other direct pieces lol that don't usually see the light of day (or Passions)...some of them are in CA... Thankyou for your faith in my poetry - and in me, it's seriously enriched my life (you are one of my surrogate Mum/Mom's - but you knew that already right?) Hugs...Ethome - you know what? I am turning to silence - and acceptance. However, I think it is only that some people never learn. And some do - just painfully lol...thankyou very much for your reply - I'm glad the emotion reached you. Ryan - hey, lol...I for one welcome criticism...so - if you see a poem of mine here and wish to offer a short critique you are most welcome to ok? In fact - you could just email your thoughts to me. Now, I considered what you said carefully, and I can see how 'dead' might fit in more...however, 'died' fits with the internal rhyme scheme...and has slightly different connotations. It can be hard to write shorter comments, yes - I completely agree. The downfall of the world? How drastic! LOL...thankyou for your opinion and the smiles, Ryan. Daniel - You are right...it is how you feel that matters...that is how we navigate our way through life right? Thanks so much for reading... Karen - hugs backatcha girly...sigh...you know the pain dear...and I suppose since we both have poetry in our hearts we'll keep on going yes? Nice to know you are there - over there in the South lol... Sharon - I love your analogy and it is very sensible...ah, and how often are we sensible eh? LOL...dinna worry, happy K is still here...smile. Like I said to Karen, it's still there - I just can't hear it right now...I am sure it will scream soon and won't leave me alone - keeping me up at nights as usual again...thankyou my friend... Mmy - Well dear...what to say to that. YOU ROCK. That doesn't quite suffice, but it's there for me to say. Thankyou for being there for me unfailingly - even when I am a grumpy cow...lol. Hugs my dearest friend. (Musk Sticks soon yes? Heh...) Suddy - Hey, thanks for popping by! Nice to 'see' your face lol...those are lovely thoughts and I'm grateful for that perception...miss you in English btw. Hugs. SP, SP, SP...you overwhelmed me with your words. Sheesh...even had the teary thing in eyes...brrrrr...lol. Gee - thanks... Seriously dear, I have to agree with you. I think poetry can mould the feelings sometimes, rather than the other way around and I am just trying to approach life somewhat unpoetically for awhile, until it isn't quite so...well...involving. I refuse to be a servant to anything! ('cept maybe chocolate..heh). But, but...without YOUR support I am not sure where I would be right now. And you have my gratitude. Hugs hugs... Karilea - words of wisdom hon. Thankyou...and yup - I'm a'listening...surprisingly, being this stubborn thing that I am. We do feel loss dreadfully, but there is always another sunrise beyond the horizon yes? Hugs.Interloper - Thankyou for your reply. Well, life is a cycle - and pain and joy go hand in hand I think. Life is a series of moments - that's always been my philosophy. Casablanca - Welcome to Passions! I have to agree with you - and not only is there great poetry but great people too. You won't regret finding your way here. Thankyou for the lovely comment. J - ah my friend...Cloud Piercer indeed...and I know what you meant and I so appreciate that faith...thankyou thankyou... (plus it is beautiful - that mountain...treacherous though...) You would like keas - they are funny little birds. You also did the near tear thing...tch..I don't know... HugsSven - and that is a huge compliment...I never intended anything with this piece - I never intended to post it even! It only made its way here after discussion with a friend...thankyou. Marge - wow. Transcending...I think we all have it in us to transcend just about anything we need to...can I give you several big hugs in return? Thanks hon... Martie - you are echoing Maree with your words, and that is so overwhelming...you share that though...taker of my oxygen lol! One day when (when) we meet we will bring along oxygen tanks incase of any accidents..thankyou my friend. Robert - definitely the fall in this case...sigh...I think at the moment I would prefer to be a new entrant! Glad to have engaged you Sir... Vandana - hey, it's nice to see you! And I'm glad you enjoyed... Dragonpoe - You know, that you read a technique into this is somewhat surprising because I didn't feel like there was really lol...thankyou so much for that... Walt - well little bro...what else could I say but thankyou? Sometimes this river just stops in mid stream - but it's through my friends that I get going again... Thanks all K< !signature--> The wind shifts like this: Like a human without illusions... This is how the wind shifts: Like a human, heavy and heavy, Who does not care. W.S [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 11-16-2000).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
OH! That SMARTS!!! i LOVE it! I christen thee....Terminator!!! |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
'deer!!! Terminator K!! LOLLOL.... hmmm - what kind of powers do I get at my disposal then? They better be good! hehe... hugs you...and thank you... K |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
The power to make people Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
LOL Jamie...hey - can I borrow some of your power then my friend? hugs K |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
library thingie again hon.. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Wow. Really to think how far I've come since then. J - have a special sparkle. AND...thank you for your care - really, I remember nearly crying. Love you  K |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
never say die |
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