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Open Poetry #10
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The Pain in My Pen
| Open Poetry #10 |
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The Pain in My Pen |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla 
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The pain in my pen A certain party has fired my kettle And now the cover is blowing steam. And the passions that lay the sediment Are boiling up in a howling scream. Reaching back in time is irrelevant The emotions are the same for all. Some put it to word, some are never heard. But simmer, seethe and smolder, I will scrawl. She hit me like a ton of feather. My breath came queer and my eyes did tear It had nothing to do with the weather. And I said it was the wind my dear. I covered her like a candied apple I brandied her like a special treat I turned from ham to a liquid jam From there it was just sweet on sweet. My knees went to wobble my heart to bobble My mouth was round but there was no sound And my mind was quit of clever wit And my eyes locked a spot on the ground. There was no explaining my reaction I wanted to whisper in her ear. Take stars from the heavens make a necklace Speak with the tongue of William Shakespeare. To say she was the loveliest of lovely The prettiest of pretty wittiest if witty. The tragic was I could no magic Only pledge silent my chastity. And all I managed was, glad to meet you And I hope we will meet soon again And that was fifty nine years ago And I still cannot put it to pen. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Rainydays Member
since 2000-10-21
Posts 324 |
Somehow, Seymour, you've managed to eek out just a smidggin of what you may have been feeling with this BRILLIANT verse! (smiling) I think I should keep an eye on you...I could learn so much. Rainydays |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Seymour~ I am totally blown away......this is stunning....  -SEA |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Reaching back in time is irrelevant The emotions are the same for all. Some put it to word, some are never heard. But simmer, seethe and smolder, I will scrawl. Seymour, I know it is so hard even as a poet to say the right things sometimes... I mean you would think we would have killer lines that could woo hearts but such is love it leaves most dumbstruck.... excellent poem my friend. "an afixiation a fix on anything the line of life the limb of a tree the hands of he and the promise that s/he is blessed among women". Patti Smith |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
Seymour-You've captured the feeling well, this was a splendid write. |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
Great work, you hit me with a ton of wit...keep it going! Tossing words like wishful coins into the deep well of an open heart. R. fox |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This is wonderful, Sy... I love the internal rhymes! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
ah but sire, look, thee here... the inkwell is still full of desire and cheer... come again and put with pen the words that you would speak yet again... Marvelous Sy... Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?...KRJ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
She hit me like a ton of feather. My breath came queer and my eyes did tear It had nothing to do with the weather. And I said it was the wind my dear. I covered her like a candied apple I brandied her like a special treat I turned from ham to a liquid jam From there it was just sweet on sweet. My knees went to wobble my heart to bobble My mouth was round but there was no sound And my mind was quit of clever wit And my eyes locked a spot on the ground. There was no explaining my reaction I wanted to whisper in her ear. Take stars from the heavens make a necklace Speak with the tongue of William Shakespeare. ==================== OH YES!!!! Let the worshiping begin... my goodness ... where do I begin.. Sy-baby this is AWESOME!!!! the internal rhmye, the external, the cadence the flow .. then there is the element of the metaphors... SO MANY perfect metaphors then the use of the cliche's .. used SO darn cleverly that they are no longer cliche... then the intensity of the poem.. the way it builds ..each verse emoting more than the last .. all leading to the bittersweet impact of the last 2 lines my oh my ...you took it all to a new level with this one.. I dont know who she was but I'll even kiss her for inspiring this one in ya *winkiewinkie* absolutely amazing..poetry in motion like fine wine...ya just get better and better  later me-Chablis-and-Chardonnay-gator. me |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is lovely!!!!!!! "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."" Laurie Lee Kathleen |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
There are some things we never get over. You've really brought that to life, Seymour. Very poignant. Elizabeth You cling to your ways and leave mine to me. Suum cuique. ~Elizabeth |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Seymour~ Some things just get better with time - your poetic mind is one of those things. You are soooooo charming ... and this is such a delightful write. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Rainyday, Maybe a smidggin, thanks. Sea, Thank you so much for the wonderful comment. Brian, Your right about the dumbstruck. Gemini, A ton of thanks. Suthern, Thanks for the wonderful. Sunshine, Wonderful comment, thank you. *L* JM, You have pumped me up with so much of flatteries helium I am bumping on the ceiling. You are the sweetest of the sweet the wittiest of witty and if one of your cherub arrows finds my hide I will fizz around the room like the wind coming out of balloon. But I love every word. Winkiewinkie. Irish, Thanks for the lovely. Elizabeth, You are so right. Marge, Love ya, Sy |
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SouthernStar Junior Member
since 2000-10-30
Posts 23Georgia |
Just brilliant. Tessa |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
This is TREMENDOUS.... Seymour, my friend, My regards, Sudhir |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I covered her like a candied apple I brandied her like a special treat I turned from ham to a liquid jam From there it was just sweet on sweet. So very smooth and tasty are your words. *smiling* ~Wynter * I woke up wanting a candied apple today "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Tessa, Thank you much. Sudhir, So nice to see your wonderful friendly comments my friend. Sy Nakdthoughts, I love candied apples, thanks. |
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